


More Than One Way Home

by sheroars



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Character Study, Established Relationship, F/M, Family Dynamics, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Parenthood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-16
Updated: 2018-09-01
Packaged: 2019-06-28 03:37:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 21,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15699363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sheroars/pseuds/sheroars
Summary: A family rallies together during hard times. A home cracks open in the best possible way.





	1. Sweet Pea

**Author's Note:**

> content warning: story contains discussion and reference to homophobic interactions/assault

"Hi Mama!" Noah leapt off the swing and used the momentum to sprint towards her. She caught him around the waist, swinging them both in a circle. She lost her breath on impact but his shrieks of laughter were well worth it.

 

"Hi baby boy." She kissed his cheek and put him down.

 

"Watch me do the monkey bars!" Noah took off across the playground again. Lucy fell into step beside her, laughing and panting from trying to keep up. 

 

"Thanks for helping me out on such short notice. We had no idea the board of directors were bringing donors through today." Olivia sighed. The sun was starting to set and they could see their breath lingering in their air. She started to regret not bringing her gloves with her today. Late March in New York was beautiful, but fickle.  

 

"No problem, Liv. How'd it go?"

 

"We'll live to die another day." Lucy laughed.

 

"You're a talented politician." Olivia pulled a face. She was in love with her job in victim's advocacy, but self-sustaining nonprofits were an animal all their own. No matter how worthy the cause. Being at the mercy of donors was a precarious game to play. She felt all the stress bleed away as they watched Noah. The two of them cheered him on as he successfully swung across the Monkey Bars three times without stopping.

 

"God, what did you feed him?" Olivia joked.

 

"You haven't seen him and Rafa sharing espressos in the mornings?" A voice said from behind them. They turned to find Gail approaching them, beanie pulled down over her ears and backpack slung over one shoulder. She kissed Lucy hello before hugging Olivia.

 

"Every morning he thinks it's hot chocolate and every morning he's disappointed." Olivia shrugged. They all laughed. Noah spotted them. Gail made a big show of dramatically handing her backpack to Lucy and squatting down like a baseball catcher intercepting a fast pitch. She caught the boy around the thighs and flipped him up over her shoulders in a fireman's hold before standing again. Noah was turning red in the face he was laughing so hard.

 

"Hey Tarzan."

 

"HI GAIL."

 

"You hitting the sugar packets again? You told me you were clean." Noah just bubbled over with giggles. Olivia reached over and tickled his belly.

 

"Where are you two off to tonight?" Olivia asked the younger women.

 

"Gail owes me dinner and a movie." Lucy said with a smile.

 

"Oh yah!" Gail pretended to remember. "Say goodbye to the pretty lady, No-No. It's my turn." She swung him around so he could kiss his nanny's cheek.

 

"Bye LuLu. See you tomorrow!" 

 

"Bye, my love." Gail put the boy down on the ground again.

 

"Ah, there he is." Olivia remarked softly. Rafael was crossing the street, making his way towards them with his phone to his ear. Gail put her pinkies in her mouth and wolf whistled at him. He hung up and started to shoot her a rude hand gesture, but abruptly stopped himself when he realized he was approaching a playground full of children.

 

"The scruff is kind of growing on me." Gail decided, as he got in earshot.

 

"Funny, I thought it was growing on me."

 

"Oh GOD." All three women made a distasteful face at the dad joke. He snickered. Noah, finally worn out and a little dizzy, stumbled towards him and threw his arms around his waist.

 

"Hi Rafa!" Rafael's smile and eyes went the kind of soft that made Olivia's insides turn into caramel filling. 

 

"Hi Noah."     

 

"You look kind of hot, Professor." Gail continued to tease, reaching up to pull him into a hug, squishing Noah between them. He laughed and kissed her cheek. Rafael was wearing a particularly stylish scarf with a tweed coat today. Noah gave Gail a confused look as they parted.

 

"But it's cold outside..."

 

"Hot can mean warm but it can also mean smokin', you know what I'm sayin?" Olivia snorted and slapped a hand over her own mouth as Rafael glared at her. "Like your mom is pretty…but she's also what both boys and girls would describe as smoking' ho-" Gail dodged a backhand from Rafael and stepped closer to her girlfriend as Noah giggled again. 

 

"Down girl." Lucy rolled her eyes. 

 

"What? Does this not read as intentionally hot professor to you?" She pointed to Rafael's shoes. "He's wearing brogues, for christ's sake."  

 

"Oy Hermana, I've been in department meetings all day." He lifted his left arm and showed off the patched elbow like it was a status symbol. Olivia put a hand on her chest and pretended to swoon. 

 

"Alright, let's go wise-ass." Lucy slung an arm around Gail's neck in an effort to reign her in. "See you guys tomorrow."

 

"Goodnight loves!" Gail said. She squeezed Olivia's hand, mussed Noah's hair, and kissed Rafael's cheek. "Call your mother, primo. She's trying to arrange a Sunday dinner. And since she's texting me and not you, I'm assuming she's stressed."

 

"Got it." He groaned. The undergraduate and the graduate student split off to enjoy their night together. Noah and Gail waved back and forth until they couldn't see each other anymore. Rafael sighed and smiled. "Ready to eat?"

 

"Can I swing first?" Noah asked. 

 

"Just for a little bit." Olivia said. The little boy took her hand.

 

"Push me!"         

 

"Only if the intentionally hot professor helps." He would have retorted if Noah hadn't fallen apart laughing.

 

"Rafa's smokin' Mom, remember?" 

 

"Yeah he is."  Olivia snickered. Noah used what little energy he had left to send himself soaring back and forth on the swing. They stood together a bit behind and to the side, giving him gentle pushes every now and then. She slipped an arm around his waist and kissed him hello. "Hi."

 

"Hi indeed." Rafael took her chin in his hand and kissed her deeply, coaxing her mouth open before pressing his lips to the side of her neck, ever so chastely warming the spot below her ear.

 

"Mph. Trouble-maker." She chided, tilting her chin to the side so he could do it again. He grinned and nipped at her skin. He pulled back but wrapped both arms around her as he leaned against the frame of the swing set. She put her hands in her pockets and relaxed against him, leaning her head against his. After ten minutes it was really getting cold, so they convinced Noah to come back to Earth and set out to pick up some odds and ends for dinner. Olivia carried him piggy back and Rafael shouldered his little Batman backpack. As they headed towards their favorite bodega, Noah tucked his head into his mother's neck and quietly listened to them talk back and forth about their days.

 

"How about you, amigo? Did you have a good day?" Rafael asked, ruffling his hair. 

 

"Best day." He smiled sleepily. Tucked back in their apartment, Olivia sat down and helped finish up his homework while Rafael started dinner. As 1st grade drew to a close, the teachers were handing out some 2nd grade prep work to help everyone get a leg up on the coming year. Noah was exceling at reading comprehension but needed a little extra help with math skills.

 

"Mama that's not right." Noah said with frustration, sticking his tongue out of the corner of his mouth as he concentrated on an answer he had generated for a word problem. 

 

"Take your time." Rafael reminded him gently, flipping pancakes. Olivia smiled into her hand.

 

"Try drawing it out like Ms. Erin showed you." She suggested. A few minutes later Noah was triumphant. 

 

"Did it, Viejo!" He called towards the kitchen.

 

"I knew you could, querido. Are you done?"

 

"Am I done, Mom?" Noah whispered.   

 

"Yes." She answered for him.

 

"Come here and help me with the eggs." They had an indulgent night. Breakfast for dinner. As it was the boys' night to clean the kitchen, Olivia snuck off to take a shower. When she shut the water off and wrung out her hair she could hear them talking in the bedroom. She threw on a robe and padded quietly down the hall, leaning on the doorjamb. If she thought this evening had already peaked, she was wrong.

 

Rafael had removed his shoes and his dress shirt and was currently lying on his back, diagonally across their bed. Noah was curled up next to him, head on his shoulder. He had abandoned a dinosaur toy on Rafael's stomach in favor of fidgeting with the collar of his beloved Rafa's undershirt and the ever present chain of his pendent necklace- tiny fingers just curling and prodding in the way small kids always explored. They were having a grand old time, just talking back and forth.

 

"Ms. Erin says I should keep reading over the summer." Noah said.

 

"It's a good idea. Reading keeps you sharp."

 

"She says there are people who read about dinosaurs for their job. Did you know that?"

 

"Paleontologists." Rafael said. "They look at bones and fossils too. Is that something you want to do?"

 

"Oh yah." Noah said. "What are the ones that look at rocks?"

 

"Geologists."

 

"Giana's Dad knows a lot about volcanoes. He told our class about flying over them and looking at the lava and taking rocks back to a lab. Is he a geologist?"

 

"I bet. Some people who study volcanoes are called volcanologists." Noah giggled.

 

"Is that real?"

 

"Wanna go to the science museum this weekend and find out?"

 

"Yeah!" The little boy beamed. He walked his fingers up Rafael's throat absent-mindedly. He turned his head enough to kiss the top of the boy's head. 

 

"It's good that you like science as much as you like art. Some people think you have to chose between the two, but I think you should always do a little of both."

 

"Me too." Noah agreed.

 

"Me three." Olivia chimed in. They finally turned their heads and noticed her.

 

"Hi Mom." They said in unison before dissolving into laughter.

 

"JINX. You owe me a soda." Noah said, tapping Rafael's nose. Olivia pulled her wet hair over her shoulder.

 

"Time to take a bath Noah. I ran the water for you." He pulled a face. Rafael gave him a nudge.

 

"You smell like bacon."

 

"Do not!" He contorted to sniff his own shoulder. "Only a little." He amended, much to their joint amusement.

 

"Quicker you're clean, quicker we can get back to our book." Olivia reminded him. They were working their way through the Harry Potter books. It had never been easier to get him into bed. He rolled to the floor dramatically and jogged towards the bathroom, ripping his shirt over his head as he did so.

 

"Want me to watch him?" Rafael offered. 

 

"I'm experimenting with leaving the door open and letting him go at it himself." Olivia said with a shrug. "He's been passing all the sniff tests so far." She slipped into their closet and changed into some proper clothes, stealing sweatpants out of one of his drawers and pulling an old Sienna College shirt out of one of her own. He held out a hand to her and she got into bed, pushing dinosaur toys out of the way as she did so. He gave her an amused look as she straddled his waist, taking his hand and bringing it to her lips. She kissed his palm and wrist. 

 

"Mom wants to spend some time with him this weekend. Want to catch a show?" She nodded and smiled. "What do you want to see?"

 

"Surprise me." She leaned down to press a kiss to the center of his chest. She leisurely opened her mouth against his neck before capturing his lips, sucking his bottom lip into her mouth. The tell-tale sound of the tub draining broke the moment. "No fucking way he's clean." He snorted as she sat up with a huff.

 

"Go get him Mami." She stuck out her tongue when he pinched her ass. She pushed on his stomach to propel herself off the bed and down the hall. His phone lit up as he got out of bed with the goal of changing into something more comfortable. "Speak of the devil." He mumbled. "Hola Mami...slow down, slow down. Say that again..."  

 


	2. Keeper of My Soul

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warning: description of assault, hospitals stays, traumatic injuries, discussions of homophobia, and aggravated hate crime

Noah was thoroughly confused when his second bath was interrupted and he was hurried back into some clean clothes rather than his pajamas, but he read the seriousness off Rafael's face and the worry off his mother's posture. Lucia was pacing back and forth by the hospital entrance, waiting for them. She quickly stamped out a cigarette when she saw them.

 

"Abuelita-" Noah yawned, holding his arms up to her. She put him on her hip. "-is Gail 'n Lu okay?"

 

"They'll be okay, my love." She led them all in, but her grave expression indicated things were a bit more complicated. Around the corner and up two floors they entered a waiting room that was mostly empty aside from two uniformed cops and Amanda Rollins.

 

"Hi Aunt 'Manda!" Noah piped up, garnering all their attention. Amanda broke away immediately.

 

"Thanks for getting here so fast." Olivia said.

 

"Of course, Liv." She leaned over to kiss Noah on the cheek as she pressed Olivia's hand. 

 

"Come over here with me for a bit, No-No. Did you bring your book?" Lucia took Noah out of ear shot and settled him on one of the couches. Amanda bit her lip and shoved her hands in her pockets.

 

"They're callin' in Brooklyn SVU. It's just a precaution due to the injuries, but there's no sign of sexual assault." Rafael's face went stone cold. Olivia was suddenly full of rage.

 

"What the hell happened?"

 

"Lucy's still floating in and out of consciousness. She's on a lot of pain meds. Gail's in with a doctor and a detective right now, so the details are still coming together. But we know they got stopped by three guys outside of Lucy's apartment. Lu's arm is broken in two places. They both have nasty defensive wounds, fractured ribs, and lacerations. Some stitches here and there."

 

"Why SVU then?" Olivia asked. 

 

"They have wounds consistent with a long cylindrical object. They were both hit around the pelvic area with considerable force. We're guessing a tire iron or a golf club." Rafael inhaled sharply. Olivia dropped a hand and squeezed his wrist. "It was the bite marks around the neck and shoulders that clued them in." Amanda continued. "Brooklyn has had a string of gay bashings in the northside neighborhoods. Same bites. Two gay men were sexually assaulted and a young woman died from her injuries in the hospital last week. A forensic pathologist is on the way to compare dentals. They've got the whole city combing tonight. I've got everyone from Manhattan helping out too."

 

"How did they get away?" Rafael asked.

 

"Some people passing by scared them off the girls, so they ran off. They took Gail's pants, Lucy's shirt, and their wallets. The good Samaritans called 911."

 

"Holy shit." Olivia bit her lip so hard she tasted blood.

 

"Hospital wants to keep them overnight, just in case. I sent an escort out to New Jersey for Mrs. Huston. Mrs. Barba is Gail's next of kin and I told them Rafael was a lawyer, so you guys should be able to see them tonight. I buttered up the night crew so nobody will kick you out."

 

"Thank you." Rafael managed weakly.

 

"The pathologist and Brooklyn's Lieutenant will want to talk them as soon as possible. Guards will stay till morning. My sitter is staying overnight, want me to take Noah and come back?" Rafael and Olivia exchanged a glance. Olivia nodded, a little tearful. They rejoined Lucia and Noah. He was already nodding off on his grandmother's shoulder. 

 

~

 

Gail was lying there in the dimly lit recovery room, staring blankly at the ceiling with tears running down her face. Lucia immediately went to her side, sitting on the edge of the bed and pulling hair away from her eyes.

 

"Hey GG, we're here. We're here now." The nurse that came in with them followed suit, taking the ankle and wrist restraints off.

 

"Why the _fuck_ -" Rafael stepped forward looking absolutely furious. Olivia reached for the belt and pulled him backwards, slipping a hand over his shoulder and anchoring him against her body.

 

"Ms. Carlson was highly distressed when she came in and did not respond well to sedation, it was for her own safety." The nurse said apologetically. Gail massaged the pink friction burns on her wrists. She continued to cry silently, but returned the embrace Lucia wrapped her in. It was a tough sight to see. Both eyes were blood shot and surround in dark circles, the left was swollen with bruising. Split lip. Purple-black bruises all over her arms. Thick welts too. There was a hand-sized bandage on the side of her neck.  

 

"You're okay. You're okay, my love." Lucia continued to say.

 

"They wouldn't let me see her. I tried to get out of bed…" She explained hoarsely. "Is that Doctor okay?" She asked the nurse as she finished replacing the IV bag.

 

"Oh, the one that took an elbow to the face? He'll live, sweetheart." She tried to tease. "Nothing bruised but his ego." Gail tried to smile but it obviously pained her. The nurse gave them the room and Olivia released Rafael. He unstrapped the restraints from the bedrails and tossed them under the bed frame, out of sight.  Olivia hovered at the foot of the bed, feeling her throat constrict. Lucia finally sat up, wiping away her own tears. Gail reached out to Rafael and he dropped down to his knees by the bed, kissing the top of her head and stroking her cheek.

 

"You're safe now." He said. Gail's face crumpled as she tried not to weep in front of them all.

 

"I know she's in the next room." She asked weakly. "They won't even tell me how she is." Rafael looked to Olivia. She opted for the honest answer. 

 

"We just came from her room. Her arm is broken in two places. And she's about the same as you from the neck down. They put her on pain killers while they set her arm so she's been sleeping pretty hard." Olivia said. "I'm sure as soon as she's awake she's going to commandeer a wheel chair and park it right here. Her mom's on the way-" Gail's heart monitor literally spiked and she immediately looked panicked.

 

"You can't tell her anything." She blurted out. 

 

"Shhh, shhh, shhh. Easy mija." Lucia soothed her. Gail grit her teeth and fought to calm down.

 

"You don't- y-you can't say anything about me or us or what happened…she doesn't know…"

 

"Shit." All their hearts broke in two. Lucy and Gail had known each other for almost two years and had been together for the three or so months that had passed since the Benson-Barba wedding. And their relationship was no less serious from the looks of it.

 

"She doesn't know anything?" Olivia restated, knowing full well there had been many dinners and even a few weekends in New Jersey between Lucy, Gail, and Mrs. Huston. Gail shook her head, chest starting to shudder with the effort to keep her sobs at bay. Rafael elevated the bed a bit and helped her drink some water.

 

"She thinks we're just friends. Lucy thinks it going to be an ugly conversation, so we thought if she got to know me first..." Gail flexed her fingers. "It shouldn't happen like this. If she asks-"

 

"You were mugged." Olivia finished. "Some people from Brooklyn SVU want to talk to both of you. Between me and Amanda I think we can keep her out of the room when it happens."

 

"Thank you." Lucia stepped out of the way and pulled on Olivia's sleeve. She took the hint and took her turn, gathering Gail up in her arms. Gail wrapped an arm around her neck and finally let out the frustrated wail she had been suppressing. They stayed with her while she sobbed.

 

~

 

Much to everyone's relief, Brooklyn SVU and Amanda arrived before Mrs. Huston. Lucy was semi-conscious so they spoke with her first. Gail sat up in bed. She was getting drowsy, but she asked for Olivia to stay with her while they all talked. Rafael gently ushered his mother into the hall, giving Olivia a soft kiss before leaving. Amanda suppressed a smile as she took a seat in the corner of the room. Olivia sat on the bed. Gail held her hand in her lap as a nurse and a pathologist peeled back the bandages on her neck and shoulder blades. Pictures were taken. The marks were deep enough to make Olivia's stomach churn. 

 

"Abigail Carlson, is that right?"

 

"Yes sir. Everybody calls me Gail, though."

 

"I'm Lieutenant Robert Anthony. This is Detective Alison Harrison. We wanted to let you know that we have suspects in custody. Do you feel up to looking at some pictures?"

 

"I'll tap dance if you want me to." She squeezed Olivia's hand hard when a bandage pulled at her oversensitive skin. Gail picked four individuals out of their line up without even blinking. "These two held us down. They did a lot of the kicking and the biting. This one had the tire iron. This one drove the car."

 

"Excellent." Harrison quickly took the iPad back and started tapping out messages to people, quietly confirming that the right guys were in cuffs at the station. "We retrieved security footage that captured most of the incident. There was a jewelery store across the street that gave us a pretty clear view." Gail let out a sigh of relief. They finished examining her wounds and let her sit back again. "Can you walk us through your version of events?" Gail nodded and pinched the bridge of her nose. 

 

"My girlfriend and I were coming back to her apartment. We had dinner in Manhattan. We took a cab from the restaurant back to her place in Williamsburg. She wanted to walk the last two blocks because she thought it might snow." She cleared her throat. "We were...holding hands. This black vehicle pulled up next to us. That second man I pointed out, he was hanging out the window and yelling at us. Asked if we were faggots. I flipped him off. They stopped the car ahead of us and got out. It's a bit blurry after that. They hit me in the head first, probably to get me on the ground. I just remember being too winded to scream. And I couldn't feel my legs. They didn't really say anything. Just kept calling us faggots. Whores. The usual. Ripped our clothes. Somebody shouted…some more people ran up." She closed her eyes to concentrate. "These guys ran away with our bags but the others covered us up and called for help." She rested her tired head against Olivia's shoulder.

 

"Thank you Mrs. Carlson." Lieutenant Anthony said softly. "Do you have any family in the city?"

 

"They're as good as I got." She gestured towards Olivia and the small hall window, where Lucia and Rafael were unsubtly observing the proceedings. "And I have two housemates."

 

"You look familiar." Harrison said. "Olivia Benson, right?"

 

"Yes. That's my husband and his mother. Lucia Barba is Gail's emergency contact and legal next of kin." Olivia clarified, shaking their hands with her free one.

 

"This woman gave Manhattan SVU the best two and a half decades of her life." Anthony informed his colleagues. "Heard you settled down. Always wondered what happened to the great ADA Rafael Barba. What's he doing these days?"

 

"Teaching." Olivia said with a smile. "At Columbia." Harrison whistled. Gail managed a grin. "Lucy Huston has been my nanny for…going on seven years now." Olivia continued. "They're both family. So if there's anything I can do-"

 

"We'll keep you in the loop." Anthony said, seeming very genuine. "Mrs. Carlson, we'll get back to you as quick as we can. Focus on healing. Lean on your family…it's going to be okay."

 

"Thank you." Olivia helped Gail lie down again as they left. The young woman was exhausted. 

 

"Do you want me to call Theo and Devante?" Olivia asked. She nodded weakly.

 

"I couldn't think of what to say to them-" Amanda stood, putting a gentle hand on Gail's face.

 

"We'll take care of it, kiddo."

 

"I tried so hard to stay out of trouble." She mumbled, closing her eyes miserably. 

 

"Trouble found you." Amanda said fiercely. "You didn't do anything wrong. Not a damn thing." She leaned down to kiss her temple. "I'll be back in a bit. I need to go debrief with Carisi and the others. I'll smuggle you in some french fries." It was enough to make Gail choke on a laugh.

 

~

 

True to Olivia's prediction, once Lucy was lucid she was demanding a wheel chair and desperately trying to get herself into Gail's room. They gave the two some privacy. Theo and Devante arrived about an hour later and the four huddled close together in Gail's room, arms around each other. It was coming up on two in the morning but anger was flushing out the fatigue. Lucia posted herself outside of Gail's room with the guards Amanda had left, shaking her head at any nurse that tried to go into the room. Rafael sat a little further down the hall, barely warm coffee in a shitty styrofoam cup in his hands. Olivia settled her head on his shoulder after wiping a tear track off his cheek.       

 

"I love that girl like a sister." He said softly. 

 

"I know." She said softly, rubbing circles on his arm with her fingertips. He took a deep breath. 

 

"She started interning at the school and Mom was always talking about her…she asked me to help mentor her. Said she needed more good people in her life. But…now I can't picture Sunday dinners without her sitting across from me."

 

"She is your sister." Olivia confirmed. "I can't tell you how many nights Lucy and I shared a bottle of wine after Noah was asleep. No matter what, she was a friend to me. We tell each other everything. And Noah loves her so goddamn much. Before you came along- when she committed to that PhD program, I thought about finding a bigger place just so she could live with us full time in Manhattan." He kissed her forehead. She could feel him thinking hard and fast.

 

"I had a boyfriend in college." She squeezed his arm and kissed his shoulder. She knew. He knew she knew. But he rarely put words to it. "And just the jeering and empty threats in the streets were enough to give me nightmares." He choked on a self deprecating laugh. "All I can think about is how little some things change. And how I couldn't have protected her-"  She tilted her head up, bumping her brow against his.     

 

"They got them. They're sitting in lock up right now." He closed his eyes and kissed her. Hard and closed mouth. She stroked his cheek and brushed her lips against the corner of his mouth, ever so softly. She felt some of the frustration start to bleed out of his shoulders. "We can protect them _now_. It won't be right, but we can make it okay. We can make it easier." He turned his head and held her hand to his lips for a long beat. She was right. They sat there like that, curled around each other for a long while. The hospital was full of quiet creaks and hushed whispers. He only moved to put an arm around her, gathering her closer. "She loves you. And your mom. She trusts you both. She knows you never lie to her." Olivia continued. "They're both in a dark, bad place right now. They'll need guidance and a lot of love and support. Things you're really good at." The corner of his mouth ticked up in a half smile.

 

"I needed someone when I was their age. So fucking badly."

 

"We all had the same childhoods." She acknowledged. Lucy's dad could have been Rafael's. Gail's parents weren't all that different from Olivia's mother. Shitty fathers. Inconsistent mothers. Combinations there of. The four of them had to leave home to taste peace.

 

"I'm trying _so_ hard to be that person that I needed..."

 

"You are. God. You so are." Olivia blinked back some tears. "You're a father to my son and a brother to Gail. These are roles you chose. Willingly and enthusiastically last time I checked. Not everybody can do that. Don't be so hard on yourself." He searched her face for a long while.     

 

"I love you." He said, kissing her again. Much softer this time. She was about to say it back when her phone chimed with a text. Just one word from Amanda: _incoming_.

 

Andrea Huston came hustling out of the elevator and down the hall. She nearly knocked over Theo as he and Devante left Gail's room. Lucia and the guards stood in an attempt to calm the woman down before letting her enter, but they couldn't stop Andrea from looking through the window into the hospital room just as Lucy leaned over the bed from her wheelchair to kiss Gail.                

  

 


	3. Apple of My Eye

"They're still talking." Rafael said, pulling a chair as close to Gail's bed as he could get it. He put a box of tissues on the edge of the bed so she could reach it. She fidgeted with his sleeve instead before taking his hand. She had taken up staring at the ceiling again. When the nurses saw how panicked Andrea Huston was when she came on the ward, they immediately set out to de-escalate situation. Lucy was back in bed, in her own room. Alone with her mother. She and Gail were pink with embarrassment. Lucia and Olivia left to get better coffee with Theo and Devante. The boys were furious and only barely resisting the urge to give Andrea Huston a piece of their mind. After calming down they realized Gail and Lucy both needed clothes to change into when they were discharged in the morning, so the four left on a mission. "What do you think about staying with Mom for a few days?" Rafael asked. Gail sighed.

 

"Did they tell you about the bed rest thing?"

 

"Yah." Though neither Gail or Lucy had an actual pelvic fracture, they were both sporting contusions and sprained muscles. Despite being released, the first order of business was a period of bed rest. Then some physical therapy. Probably a smattering of counseling and therapy. All closely monitored.   

 

"Lu was just suggesting we stay at her place when her Mom came in." Gail cleared her throat. "Might be best to give them some space though." He squeezed her hand.

 

"She loves you."

 

"I can't ask her to choose between me and her mother. That's the only family she's got left."

 

"I think we both know that's not how it works." He reminded her gently. "You chose each other. And you chose your families. They're big. And pretty nice if I do say so myself." She closed her eyes and smiled a little. Silent tears still tracked down her temples and into her hair.

 

"I feel so fucking _weak_." She admitted. "I carry mace. Keep my pocket knives sharp. All those kickboxing classes-"

 

"Hush." He chided. "You wrote a whole term paper about cultural misogyny and the sociology of victim blaming. Shut that little voice down. It's a liar." He squeezed her hand again. Her class ring had survived the attack. He tried to ignore the spot of blood on the band. "My whole life, I've only had two partners that mattered." She opened her eyes to look at him. "Olivia, obviously." He cleared his throat. "But in my last year of undergrad I met Andrew. We took on law school together. He was from Brooklyn. We had a lot in common. I don't think we spent more than a day or two apart until we broke up. They were…five of the best years of my life." Her eyes shone.

 

"You mentioned- but I had no idea-"

 

"Nobody did. Not really." He shrugged. "We were happy. Genuinely. But we lived our lives together behind closed doors. Boston and New York have always had their good neighborhoods but it was still the early 90s." She nodded. The AIDS crisis. Don't Ask Don't Tell. Brandon Teena. Matthew Shepard. The world was unforgiving. "I was just telling Olivia about how people would yell at us if we walked just a bit too close together. I had nightmares. Every time we went out together, I was in constant terror. And in a way I think that fear is what ultimately ended our time together." He sighed. "I have no regrets. Olivia is who I was always meant to be with. But I can't help wondering what my life would have been like if I had been braver back then." She nodded her understanding.   
 

"I almost married my first girlfriend." She reminded him. "I was barely 18. We could have been happy. But we were scared shitless. We believed everybody who said we were too young." She reached for a tissue. He let her hand go so she could compose herself.

 

"That's just it, though. I look at you and Lucy and I see nothing but strength, Gail. God knows this shouldn't have happened. I would do _anything_ to change it. But you two survived. It may feel like you're falling apart but nothing is going to break you. We won't let that happen…but you won't either." She took a deep shuddering breath.

 

"Thank you." She reached for his hand again. "When I left home, I didn't think I'd ever have a family again. You and Lucia changed my life and-" They were interrupted by a knock on the door. Some familiar faces were pressed up against the glass. Carisi's permanently goofy grin was hovering beside the promised bag of contraband french fries Amanda was holding up. Rafael and Gail raised a hand at the same time to wave them in.

 

"Hey sweet pea. How yah feeling?" Amanda asked softly.

 

"I'm okay." Gail sucked in a breath. "Hey Sonny, long time no see." The detective gave Rafael a pat on the back. "Lit some candles for you and Lu at church." She was genuinely touched by the gesture. He knuckled her unbruised cheek affectionately. They had only met a handful of times, but several of them had involved getting a little plastered and talking about theology until the wee hours.

 

"I know you haven't eaten. And it's basically breakfast time. So I got the works." Amanda started unloading enough McDonalds for five people.

 

"You eat breakfast at four in the morning?" Rafael said, taking a hash brown and a black coffee.

 

"I said basically." Amanda rolled her eyes.

 

"Take it easy on the salt, kid. Don't wanna get busted cause you're dehydrated." Sonny teased. He had barely finished speaking when a nurse came in to check on Gail. She stole a french fry after checking vitals and fluids.

 

"Try to get a nap in." She said over her shoulder. The four in the room couldn't help but laugh.

 

~

 

"You doing okay?" Sonny asked, sitting in the hall with Rafael. Gail was finally dozing. Amanda kept watch by the bed.

 

"I'm alright." He sighed. "What do you know about the pricks that did this?"

 

"Collared two of them myself." Sonny took a long drink of coffee. "Bunch of Nazis that got their rocks off, in their words, ' _righting wrongs_ ' and such."

 

"Jesus."    

 

"All mid to late 20s. All had violent records. All of them into the stupidest shit you can think of- white supremacy, population cleansing, exterminating the gay gene, all of it. They'll spend the weekend in the tombs and then get arraigned Monday morning."

 

"Think it'll go to trial?"

 

"I think Brooklyn can plead them out. One of them started crying in interrogation once we dropped the forensic evidence."

 

"Not so high and mighty now."

 

"I figure they get him to roll over no problem. And the video should convince the others they're not walking. They're having a hell of a time scrounging up lawyers."

 

"What? The Brotherhood's coffers running dry?" Sonny snorted.

 

"There'll probably be a media circus in the morning. I'd stay off local news for awhile."

 

"Agreed." Rafael stretched his legs out and crossed his arms over his chest. "How's Michael?" Sonny's face softened.

 

"He's great. Sleeping the morning away in my bed, probably. How's Liv?"

 

"Stressed. But her work's really taking her off. They want to send her to DC again. She and Mom are out picking up some clothes for these two." He nodded his head towards Gail and Lucy's doors. 

 

"Uh oh."

 

"Oh they're just fine. Best of friends. Probably talking shit about the way I snore right now." They both smiled down at the ground. Sonny knocked his shoulder into Rafael's.

 

"'Manda called Fin. His boy's got access to counselling and resources for LGBT people dealing with this kind of thing. Once the girls are settled he'll pay them a visit." Rafael gave him an appreciative look. 

 

"You've met Fin's son?"    

 

"Good kid. Real good kid. He does social work or something like that. Like what Liv does, but for inner city kids. Married his husband a few years back. Got a handful of a babies. Real nice people. Best Sunday dinners."

 

"You still talking about food, Carisi?" Amanda rejoined them in the hall, closing the door softly behind her. "Anything from Lucy?"

 

"Nothing." Rafael sighed.

 

"Not a peep." As if on cue, the door opened and the young woman in question came limping out of the darkness, putting a finger to her lips and signaling for help. Her mother had fallen asleep in a chair. Amanda flagged down the nurse that had been complicit in their fast food smuggling earlier and they got her a wheelchair, quietly getting her into Gail's room.

 

~

 

Gail and Lucy were both awake around five. They hospital stuff gave up and moved a glider from the NICU into Gail's room so Lucy stay comfortably. Olivia was the first to quietly infiltrate the room, Lucia following behind her. The girls gladly accepted the hot coffee they were offered. Lucy's good arm was on the bed, draped over Gail's lap. Her broken arm was in a cast from wrist to elbow. There was a cut on her forehead and a nasty bruise on her cheek. Bandages on both sides of her neck. And she was probably in just as much pain as Gail, if not more. Olivia thought about Mrs. Huston, who was also awake and pacing and making calls next door.

 

"She's calling her priest." Lucy said, answering the question they were all thinking. "She says she needs spiritual guidance."

 

"For Christ's sake." Lucia groaned. "You got the shit kicked out of you and she's worried about herself?"

 

"She hasn't even been to church in a year." Lucy shrugged. "It's not bad. Not as bad as I thought it'd be. Just…uncomfortable."

 

"You're allowed to say it's bad." Olivia said softly. 

 

"I told her everything. I thought she might yell a little bit. Once that was out of her system, she settled down. I think she's really just confused." Lucy took a long drink. Gail delicately touched her shoulder.

 

"I'm so fucking sorry."

 

"Don't be." She gave her a weak smile. "She'll get a hotel room. We'll go home. She'll ask a lot of terrible, invasive questions and then pretend this never happened and that we don't exist." Lucy regretted the words as soon as she said them, but they were probably accurate. "My Uncle married a man and they have spoken in three years." She admitted softly.  

 

"Want me to talk to her?" Olivia asked.

 

"Want me to knock some sense into her?" Lucia offered. 

 

"Not yet." Lucy gave them a smile. The sun was starting to rise. The room was starting to brighten up. The night felt like a thousand hours long, but it was finally over. 

 

"So what's the game plan?" Lucia continued. "Where can we take you?" Gail and Lucy exchanged a glance.

 

"My apartment." Lucy decided. "There's two bedrooms and an elevator. We can keep an eye on each other. Theo, Devante, and Liv already have keys. And once Mom collects herself she'll know where to find me."

 

"Good." Lucia looked proud. She reached out to put an affectionate hand on Lucy's cheek. "Listen. When Rafael told me about his first partner...I'm not proud of the way I reacted. It was selfish and wrong. If he hadn't held his ground, he would have missed out. That man gave him so much life and so much happiness and it took me too long to figure that out. I'm so embarrassed when I think back to that." The Barba matriarch's usually steely composure vanished. "I wasn't all too sure about this one either at first-" She jabbed a thumb at Olivia for comedic effect. It worked. "But now I'm in love with this woman too. Don’t let us old people destroy your futures."

 

"Thank you." Lucy said, face soft and grateful. "My mom…she's never-"

 

"You need a mom? I'll be your mom." Lucia cut her off. 

 

"That's a threat and a promise." Gail endorsed with a light laugh. Lucy wiped at the corners of her eyes and leaned into the hand Gail had on her back, rubbing circles.

 

"She was so mad when I committed to school in the city. Told me I was ruining all _her_ plans." Lucy said. "She's old school Jersey. Get a cheap degree and an expensive looking husband and you're successful. Never mind what you feel. She still talks to my father, after everything he did to us." She shook her head bitterly.

 

"If she decides she wants to be a part of your life…and if you want her to be too, I can recommend a really good family therapist." Olivia suggested. Lucy nodded.

 

"I think that's a good idea."

 

~

 

Lucy dozed after eating something. Gail wanted to practice walking. She balanced herself between the IV rack and Rafael's arm. The pain was insurmountable for a good half hour. She couldn't even lift off the bed without looking like she wanted to scream. But after some pills and a little gentle stretching she was limping up and down the hall. Sonny and Rafael joked with her about recording baby's first steps to keep her from crying. The nurses and overnight staff applauded her as she hobbled past the nursing station.                                       

 

Olivia and Lucia helped Lucy do the same thing about an hour later, this time under the eye of a doctor. Lucy was walking better than Gail and could eventually maintain her own balance. The medical attendants seemed very pleased with their progress. The girls were to stay in wheelchairs for the first two or three days and would work up to walking with a cane. A physical therapist would make daily house calls with a home nurse to make sure they didn't run into any problems. 

 

~

 

They were all signed out a little before noon. Theo and Devante did a lot of the heavy lifting. They rented out a wheel chair accessible mini van to make transit as comfortable as possible. Lucia and Olivia beat everyone there, opening up the windows and cleaning up the kitchen and putting fresh flowers in almost every room. It was a tiny little space with barely enough room for furniture and double beds. But it was clean and bright.  

 

"Does Mrs. Huston pay for this?" Lucia asked quietly. 

 

"She used to, but Lucy took over the lease when she started getting a stipend from her degree program." Olivia said.  

 

"Smart girl." 

 

Rafael and Amanda went down the street on a grocery run. The girls were almost incapacitated with exhaustion when they arrived, so the boys helped them to bed. Lucy went first. Gail was bent on learning how to stand by herself before lying down. It was painful to watch and not help, but Gail managed it and helped put away some of the food they brought. Lucia hugged her fiercely. Rafael put his arms around both of them. Gail walked herself back to Lucy's room, leaning heavily on the wall.  

 

"We packed bags." Theo told them all. They would stay awhile. Devante immediately started cooking.

 

"I'll come back this evening." Lucia promised. Everyone left slowly. Rafael walked his mother to her car. Amanda smiled at her phone before handing it to Olivia. Noah and Jessie were starting their Saturday morning at the park, looking gleeful and unbothered.  

 

"They were promised a movie. I'll bring him home this afternoon." Olivia touched her elbow before pulling the other woman into a proper hug.     

 

"Thank you. So much."

 

"I'm always here for yah Liv. And Gail is family." Gail was half of the nanny and babysitting team that looked after Jessie Rollins these days. "My engines were revving the second I found out. They're lucky it was Carisi helping with the arrest and not me."

 

"Go home. Get some rest."

 

"You too."

 

~

 

Rafael sat on the edge of their bed, pulling his sweater and shirt off in one go. She put a hand on his cheek. He pulled her between his knees and pressed his face to her stomach. She stoked his hair. His neck felt rigid and tense. He wrapped his arms around her thighs and held her as close and tight as he could without causing pain.  

 

"Come here." She said softly. She put them both in a hot shower. The tension finally dropped out of his body once the hospital smell was washed off. They stood there quietly. Wrapped up together. Processing. She kissed him. He kissed back like she was the most precious thing in the world. They dried off and got into bed together. The world started turning again.

 

"Did that really happen?" He mumbled against her chest. He was resting on it now, an arm locked around her waist. Their legs were tangled. She kissed his forehead and hair, holding him to her. They both felt raw. Inside out. 

 

"Yah." She sighed. "It did." 

 

"How well do you know Andrea Huston?" He asked. 

 

"Pretty well. I thought. Noah's been to her house a few times." She mused. "I want to throttle her. She think this is what Lucy gets for-" She stopped abruptly, refusing to finish the thought. "I don't know how you look at your child like that and think they deserve it."

 

"It's all too much." He sighed. "Gail's never going to forgive herself. Even if Andrea comes around, she's destroyed her daughter." 

 

"It's over."

 

"Unless they get dragged through court."

 

"We'll see. Don't catastrophize yet." She reminded him, gently tugging on his hair. "Noah will be back in a few hours." The heater kicked on. The city sounds seemed pleasantly distant. "We can watch Disney movies and kill that bottle of rum we started the other night." He smiled. "I can say from experience that Ratatouille is way funnier when you're drinking."

 

"Olivia." He chuckled, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

 

"What? He gets his juice box and I get mine."  He pressed soft kisses to her chest, over her shirt. He eventually worked his way up to her lips. She hummed and made room for him between her knees, sighing when his weight settled against her. They kissed deeply and leisurely, no particular goal in mind. He was sucking on her neck when he realized how deeply comforting being alone with her was and that his heart was feeling a little less broken. He kissed her on the lips, three or four times in quick succession, before pressing his mouth to her forehead and both cheeks and her lips again. Her mouth trailed down his jaw as she reached for the waistband of the flannel pants he had bothered to put on after their shower. He shuddered and stilled her hands. Not yet.

 

"You're the love of my life."

 

"I know." She gave him an amused look. "Deciding that three months after you married me, Rafa?" He closed his eyes and laughed, kissing her again. "No returns." He kissed her again, getting lost in the way she tasted and how warm she felt pressed up against every inch of him. He shifted against her and she choked on a moan, biting his lip and wrapping a thigh around his waist in invitation. He panted slightly, resting his forehead on hers. She finally sensed there was something weighing on his mind. She waited patiently. He closed his eyes again, frustrated with his inability to find words. "You're home." She spoke up. "You're here with me. Everyone's safe."

 

"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. I shouldn't be surprised that you're still here every morning." He shrugged. "But I am." 

 

"I'm not going anywhere. Not without you, anyway." She stroked the side of his face. "I know it feels like it's hard to breathe. This is hard." She reassured him. "I know this is dark and heavy and heartbreaking. This is our life. This is our family. I'll never not want this."                                                  

    


	4. Don't Know When, Don't Know Why

Lucy's room had always been one of Gail's favorite places. There was room for a bed and exactly one side table and nothing else. You couldn't even open the closet door all the way thanks to the bed, but there was a big picture window to the left of the headboard with a great city view. They were three floors up and in a separate world. The walls were a pale blue and Lucy had entirely too many pillows in various shades of red and orange. The crown molding was trimmed with fairy lights. The floating shelves above the headboard were precariously full with books. Even before they were together they had fond memories in this room, some of them half drunk, but almost always sitting opposite each other on the bed. Always looking out the window and drinking coffee. Always talking about the future.

 

Today the blinds were drawn and the curtains were halfway pulled. Gail woke up from the clutches of a foggy dream, heart pounding like it was trying to escape her chest. Through a crack in both window coverings see could see clouds rolling in over the city. It looked like rain. Fitting. She could only lie on her back. Any movement towards her sides sent pain shooting up her whole body. Lucy was in the least amount of pain on her right side. She was pressed against Gail, as close as she could get without putting her weight on her. She was drifting in and out of sleep. Gail felt herself start to calm down when she focused on the other woman's breathing. When Lucy woke again she pulled bruised fingers through Gail's hair.

 

"Hey."

 

"Hi."

 

"The swelling on your face is going down." Lucy said, brushing a light kiss over her cheek as if to prove a point.

 

"That'll be the Percocet talking." Lucy rolled her eyes and smiled but then winced.

 

"Ouch. Why did that hurt?"

 

"Cause everything else hurts. I didn't know eyelids could be so sore."

 

"My ankles hurt. And parts of my back that I didn't know existed." She kept the joke going. 

 

"My kidneys-" She turned her face towards Lucy, eyes widening when the other woman kissed her on the lips.

 

"Ow."

 

"Shit." They both leaned back in discomfort. They started to laugh but their fractured ribs were suddenly on fire.

 

"Goddamn it." Gail whimpered.

 

"Sorry." Lucy murmured, inching up to kiss Gail's forehead. She went back to stroking Gail's hair. Her fingers were soft but the touch of the cast wrapping her palm was scratchy. "Hey. I love you." Gail was so tired of crying, but a few more tears slipped out.

 

"God." She covered her mouth. "This is all my fault."

 

"No it's not." She said firmly. "Sweet girl I-"

 

"I'm just…so angry."

 

"I know. I am too." She took a deep breath. "But I was the one who wanted to get out of the cab, remember?"

 

"Lu-"

 

"See how ridiculous you sound when you blame yourself?" Lucy said. Gail huffed, putting a hand over her eyes as she pulled herself together.

 

"Has your mom called?" She tried to change the subject.

 

"She texted me her hotel address and room number. But I'm not thinking about her right now." Lucy kissed her until she kissed back, ignoring the uncomfortable muscle twinges. "Look at me. Look at how serious I am when I tell you that I love you." Gail met her eyes. Lucy cupped her cheek and flexed her fingers, frustrated with her cast already. Gail held her hand in place. "I'm scared shitless right now. Only half of that is because I got the living day lights beat out of me in public. I thought I was going to lose you. And then I thought you were gong to hate me because my mother acted like-"

 

"Never." They laid there quietly, staring at each other intently. The TV was playing in the next room. One of the boys was still clinking around the kitchen. "I'm hurting, Lu. And I feel like I'm hurtling towards a dark place." She admitted. "I don't want to hurt you."

 

"You don't scare me." Lucy said fiercely. "I'm hurting too. Don't shut me out." Lucy kissed her again, relieved to feel the affections returned. "We can do this."

 

"For the record-" Gail lifted a hand to push hair behind Lucy's ear. "I've been in love with you for a really long time." Lucy smiled. "Way before you asked me to stay the night."

 

"I know this is still new, but I want to share my life with you." Gail shifted. She didn't know what to do with her hands, so she framed Lucy's face with them. "I want all of it. I don't want to be your girlfriend. I don't want to just go on cute dates and talk about our days. I want all of you all the time." She swallowed. "I want to be your partner, Gail...does that make sense?"

 

"Lu…" Gail said, winded by her words. "I-" Lucy's smile grew. "Yes."   

 

"Tell me you love me."

 

"I love you."

 

"Now come prop me up in the shower." The moment broke. They giggled, a little breathless.

 

"Yes ma'am."

   

~

 

They tried to put it to Noah it terms he would understand. He sat between them on the couch.

 

"Gail and Lucy got hurt last night. They stayed at the hospital, but they're home now. They need a little time to get better. Lucy broke her arm, like Jenny from your class last year."

 

"Did she get a cast?"

 

"Yah. Racecar red." Noah looked pleased. It was his favorite. "And remember how I got that black eye one time? You said I looked like a pirate." Olivia continued. He nodded. "Gail has a couple of those."

 

"How'd they get hurt, Mom?" Olivia and Rafael exchanged a glance.

 

"Some bad people, Noah." He said. 

 

"On purpose?" They both nodded. "Oh." His bottom lip started to wobble. Olivia pulled him into her lap. His little brow furrowed as he wrapped his arms around her neck and put his head on her shoulder.

 

"They're safe now. It's all going to be okay." Olivia said, stroking his back. "The bad people are with the police now." 

 

"I know. Aunt Manda said you helped them…it's just sad." He pulled up from his mom's shoulder, fidgeting with her hair. "Can I go see them?"

 

"You can…" Rafael started. "Soon. They need some time, though. Remember when you got the flu a few months ago? Would you want a lot of people over to play when you felt like that?" He shook his head vehemently. "We'll take you soon. There's a few things too." He put a hand on the boy's side. "What are these bones?"

 

"Ribs!" Rafael pinched him just above the thigh. "And that's my hip!" Noah giggled.  

 

"Those parts are hurt pretty bad. So you gotta be really gentle. And their faces and hands…there's a lot of bruises. They're going to look a little rough, but it's still them."

 

"Who else would they be, Rafa?" He grinned. 

 

"Nobody, amigo. We just don't want you to be scared cause they look different. They're still Gail and Lucy."

 

"We should make them some quesadillas. That always makes me feel better. And we can make cards."

 

"Good idea." Olivia moved to kiss his cheek but he was already sliding off her lap and jogging back to his room, presumably for supplies. Rafael took her chin and accepted the kiss. She laughed, wrapping an arm around his neck and sliding closer. "That was easier than expected."

 

"He's a kid. His world still revolves around villains and superheroes."

 

"True." She leaned into him again, looking deeply affectionate. "You're so-"  

 

"I'm gonna draw all the lines but I'll need your help coloring." Noah came tearing back into the room, dumping an armful of paper and his box of markers on the coffee table.

 

"Alright." Rafael slipped out her arms and onto the floor. She sighed, upstaged by her own son.

 

"I'm gonna order a few pizzas. What do you guys want?"

 

"Pepperoni- JINX." They said in unison.

 

"You owe me a soda." Rafael finished first. 

 

"Damn it." Noah swore, looking genuinely stressed. There was a beat of silence before his eyes got wide and he was slapping a hand over his own mouth. Rafael tried to look stern and serious but it was hard when Olivia was laughing so hard she had to lean on the kitchen counter for support. Noah looked confused. "Whoops?" He offered.

 

"You know what you did." Rafael mussed up his hair. "Apologize to your mother." 

 

"Sorry Mama!"

 

"Oh my god. It's okay sweetie."

 

"I meant darn it."

 

"I know you did. I promise. We'll think of better words later." Olivia called in the pizzas.

 

Less than half an hour later she was also seated on the floor, between her husband's knees. They all had pizza in hand. Noah was getting hyped up on a soda while they had a more adult drink. There was a movie on the TV but none of them were paying attention to it. They were following Noah's instructions for a veritable patch quilt of a get well card. By the time it was assembled it was probably going to be the size of a dining room table and half as heavy.

 

"Rafa, under this flap can you draw a flower? I'm not so good at those."

 

"What color should I use?" Noah handed him an electric blue and a violent shade of orange. "Gracias."

 

"De nada. Mom can you color in this house?"

 

"Sure. Whose house is this?"

 

"Lucy's! She hasn't bought it yet, but she told me all about it."

 

"Oh?" Rafael chuckled and kissed the back of Olivia's shoulder.

 

"She's gonna buy a cottage in the woods." He said matter of factly, pointing to another part of his drawing.  "She wants to raise eight puppies and maybe get some horses too. For Gail. She likes horses."

 

"Eight puppies? Sounds perfect." Rafael said.

 

"She told you all that?" Olivia grinned. 

 

"Yah! We were talking about happy places. Like when you're stressed out, you can just close your eyes and imagine you're there. So this is Lucy's happy place. Gail's is the library. I'm gonna draw one with Lucy inside of it for her. I might need help. Her hair is hard to draw."

 

"I can do that." Olivia said, deeply touched by her son's thought process. 

 

"What's your happy place, jefe?" Rafael asked, finishing the first flower and moving on to the second. Olivia gave him an impressed look. He pinched her side and she tried not to drop her rum and coke. Noah pursed his lips as he thought.

 

"My happy place is probably right now." They both stopped what they were doing to look at him. He was grinning. "Or Chuck-E-Cheeses." Olivia laughed so hard she snorted, which made them both join in.

 

"You're silly." Rafael concluded, leaning over to kiss the boy's cheek.

 

"What's your happy place, Rafa?" Under the coffee table, the hand he had resting on Olivia's thigh started to creep between her legs. She immediately elbowed him in the ribs to remind him to behave.

 

"Mmmmm. Probably your Abuelita's house during Sunday dinner. When we're all eating dessert. And when my cousin Renaldo forgets to come." Noah nearly choked on a bite of pizza he was laughing so hard. "What about you, Mom?" Rafael turned the question on her, pausing in his coloring to move her hair aside so he could kiss the back of her neck. "What's your happy place?" She elbowed him again, on instinct. "What?" She hit the same spot every time and it was starting to get sore.

 

"My bed. On Sunday mornings. Bonus points if you're both forcibly dragging me out of it to go get breakfast."

 

"Forcibly is a strong word." Rafael defended. "Hey, what are you doing? Color inside the lines." He nudged her, finishing his drink in two sips. He adjusted so he was sitting cross legged and she was sitting in his lap.   

 

"You're both very distracting." She huffed, taking a break to finish a slice of pizza.

 

"It's okay Mom. I'll just tell them who did what." Her son teased her. Rafael snorted.

 

"He's as cold as ice, Liv." Olivia threw a pepperoni at Noah. It stuck to his cheek. He just kept laughing and wiggling his tongue around till he caught it and pulled it into his mouth.

 

"You're so gross." Olivia whined. "No shower for you. We're going straight for the hose in the back ally."

 

"It came off your slice!" He accused. "And you eat off the floor." 

 

"We agreed on the five second rule." They pulled faces at each other until Olivia broke. Rafael hid his smile in her hair. 

 

"I win." Noah snickered. "Is there any ice cream left?"   

 

~

 

Rafael backed out of Noah's room and shut off the light. The shower was still running, so their own room was empty. Rain was starting to slap up against the windows. He pulled the curtains and cracked the window, getting a blast of freezing cold air. He pulled his phone out and dialed the fourth number on his speed dial. The call picked up on the third ring.

 

"Did I wake you?"

 

"Nah. I'm alright. You're mom just left." Gail's voice was hoarse again, but stronger. 

 

"Apologies."

 

"She brought tamales. No hard feelings."

 

"Oooh, from Milagritos?"   

 

"Iradors."

 

"She sprang for the good shit." He whistled.

 

"Also she's definitely hitting the Five Hour Energy shots again. Gotta get her off that shit. It's like she _wants_ to have a stroke." He chuckled.

 

"I gave her picture to all the bodegas in a five mile radius, there's only so much we can do." He joked. Gail dissolved into giggles. It sounded so much like her usual self it made him smile. "How are you doing? Do you need any help tonight?"

 

"We're okay. Theo and Devante aren’t leaving anytime soon. We've been fed, hydrated, and medicated. Lucy and I even managed a shower."

 

"All the necessities."

 

"The wheelchair is actually pretty fun. If we can't sleep we're gonna drag race down the hall."

 

"Tell me how you're feeling, Hermana." He said softly. She shifted on the other end of the line. It sounded like a door was creaking shut in the background. "I'm actually kind of tired. I'll probably sleep for a bit. We've been napping, but neither of us can really relax."

 

"That's normal."

 

"I'm starting to get a migraine, but they gave me something for that too. My arms and legs don’t hurt so much, but from about tit to knee it's pretty agonizing." 

 

"Stop deflecting."

 

"I'm not. I'm serious." She laughed anyway. He huffed but he was smiling too. "Lucy's about the same. Just- there's a lot of pain to deal with and not a lot of energy." She finally admitted. "Trying not to move a lot. I had half a mind to go back to the hospital about an hour ago, but it was just time for another dose of meds… I keep having these dreams I don't remember. They just make me sweaty and scared again. And we can't even drink."

 

"Gail-"

 

"Kidding. Little bit. Don't worry, Lu already called a therapist."

 

"At Columbia?"

 

"Yah. She's got good student health insurance through them."

 

"Let me know. We'll get you there." Olivia came to the bedroom, wearing little else but a towel, and taking her hair down from its bun.

 

"She loves me so much. Too much." Gail blurted out, referring to Lucy. "I'd be a mess if she wasn't here with me."  

 

"Told you. I know it when I see it." He said, eyes never leaving Olivia.

 

"I can feel the Vicodin kicking in. I should lie down."  

 

"Sleep tight. We'll see you soon."

 

"Bring something good. Like sheet cake. Or weed." He snorted. She hung up before he could tease her anymore.

 

"How is she?" Olivia asked as he shut the window and pulled the drapes shut.

 

"Managing. Cracking jokes. Trying to distract herself at all costs. They got in touch with a therapist though." When he turned around she was already walking towards him, slipping her arms around his waist. She shifted her weight from foot to foot, rocking them back and forth. He brushed his lips against her ear and her temple. She sighed and nuzzled into his jaw.  

 

"Does it bother you that Noah doesn't call you something?" She asked abruptly. He pulled back.

 

"Where did that come from?"

 

"I don't know." She shrugged. "I just noticed it tonight. I mean, I know we agreed we weren't expecting him to call you Papa or anything-"

 

"Hey. That little boy tells me he loves me as often as he can. He's a sweet, gentle kid. With a big heart and bigger feelings." Olivia smiled and nodded. "He calls me Rafa. And Viejo. Sometimes _Pollito_ when he's been hanging out with my mom." She wrinkled her nose.

 

"Chicken?"

 

"Small chicken." He corrected her. "All terms of endearment in my book." She sighed and looked down briefly. He lifted her chin back up. 

 

"Since the wedding, I know he tells the kids at school about his _Dad_. But he'll call you Rafa in the same sentence. You're okay with that?"

 

"Livia," His face softened. "Of course." He smiled. "It's...an honor. I don't take any of that lightly. He can do that for the rest of life he wants." She smiled again.

 

"He couldn't have picked a better man to be his Rafa." She quipped. He laughed. "You're so good with him. To him. I don't thank you enough for that." He kissed her.

 

"After the wedding, one of my aunts told me how charming my son was. I know I call him mijo sometimes...and had literally just finished adopting him in front of all those people..." He trailed off. "I just want him to know that there isn't a difference. I need to show him that I don't just love him as if he were my own...that _he is_ my own."  

 

"God." She hid her face in her neck. "Have you always been like this?"

 

"Insufferable?"

 

"Do you want kids?" She asked. The question hung between them for a moment.

 

"I've always been curious about fostering." He admitted. "Never thought I was cut out for it."

 

"You are. I'm registered. Wouldn't take much to get you cleared." He stroked her hair. She could feel his heart pounding. 

 

"Maybe one day...do-do you want another?" She kissed his shoulder, breathing deeply.

 

"I want to do everything with you."      


	5. I Never Think Before I Say

_He's leavin' (leavin') on that midnight train to Georgia. Leavin' on the midnight train. Said he's goin' back (goin' back to find) to a simpler place in time. Oh yes he is. And I'll be with him (I know you will) on that midnight train to Georgia…_

 

"God…" She sighed into his mouth. His kisses got sloppier as they trailed across her cheek.

 

"Yes." He bit down on the shell of ear and her back arched.

 

"Rafael-" He used his hips to gently push her back down to the bed. She wiped her mouth and cheek with the back of her hand and laughed. They had already gone a few rounds but her skin was still buzzing for him. And now she would never be able to listen to this Glady Knight song without thinking about how he could make her come two and a half times between choruses.                                                             

 

They usually played music when Noah was in bed sleeping and they were in bed doing the opposite. It started out as a sound precaution but now it was a little bit of a turn on. Everything automatically felt lighter. More fun. Relaxed. Rafael pushed up on his elbows. He pushed her hair back with his fingers, cradling her head in his hands as he smiled down at her.

 

"Hi." 

 

"Hi." He touched his nose to hers before tilting his head to the side and brushing their lips together. Once. Twice. A third time. She caught his bottom lip between her teeth. He pinched her nipple between his fingers in retaliation. The kiss broke with them both laughing as she jerked at the sensation. He looked her in the eye while tugging on it again and she felt a rush of heat between her legs. He moved a little further down her body, slipping his hand across her chest before covering her other breast more gently, massaging it against his palm as he opened his mouth on her neck and sucked. She was going to need a scarf in the morning. She stretched beneath him and hummed, thoroughly enjoying the sensation. He asked her a question but it was a little hard to focus with both of his hands on her chest and his mouth lazily down her throat again.

"Say that again?" She closed her eyes, pushing her fingers through his hair. His chest rumbled with a chuckle. He drug his tongue down between her breast and sucked on her nipple a moment, relishing the way her legs wrapped around his thigh and locked him in place. He managed to slip a hand between them, drawing a single finger between her legs. Her head fell back and she keened. He drew a circle and a figure eight. She bucked and gasped and came against his hand for the third time tonight.      

 

"Are you okay?"

 

"Oh yah." He laughed again, coming back up to eye level. She forced her eyes open, bringing a hand up to his cheek as he sucked his fingers clean. She raked her thumb across his bottom lip. "You feel _so_ good." She rasped before craning up to kiss him again, sliding her tongue against his to taste herself. He moaned softly.   

 

"Beautiful girl. Mi sol." He sighed. _My sun_. "Luz de mis ojos." _Light of my eyes._ It took another few minutes for them to slow down. The song changed to one of his favorites. He hummed along mindlessly as he moved to lay beside her.

 

 _My funny Valentine. Sweet comic Valentine. You make me smile with my heart. Your looks are laughable. Unphotographable. Yet you're my favorite work of art._       

 

"You calling me ugly?" She teased, poking his ribs as she got up to clean up and put on some clothes. 

 

"What? You're the one who makes faces when I try to take pictures of you." He shrugged, folding his arms behind his head. She returned a few moments later, still bubbly and giggly and soft. She tossed him some sweatpants and let him put them on before she tucked herself under his chin. He pulled the duvet around them.

 

 _But don't change a_ hair _for me. Not if you care for me. Stay little Valentine stay. Each day is Valentines day._

 

She drew circles around his naval and dropped chaste kisses on his chest. He pressed his nose to her hair. "Me quieres?" He asked teasingly. _Do you love me?_

 

"Te adoro, mi tesoro" She sighed. _I adore you, my treasure._ He pushed his fingers up and down her spine, putting a soothing pressure on the lower notches. He turned off the light but let the music play on. Most nights they talked till they fell asleep. Tonight they just listened to each other breathe. The conversation they had before falling into bed came back to him and something warm settled in his gut. She wanted it all with him. He wanted it all with her. 

 

~

 

Gail woke up to another grey sky. Frozen flurries twisted around in the pale dawn light. Lucy's arm was a gentle weight across her chest. There was a full five minutes of peace before she came back to her body, waking fully. The pain settled in. She closed her eyes and counted to ten, forcing even breaths in and out to keep from verbalizing the agony. Lucy started to stir, face pinching. Her own pain interrupted whatever sleep she was getting. She whimpered and started to cry. Gail fumbled with her phone and sent out an SOS.

 

Theo and Devante were there in less than a minute with heating pads, pain meds, and cold compresses. They looked as if they had slept about as much as the girls had. Devante carefully sat on the bed, propping himself against the wall and pulling Gail's legs across his thighs. They had figured out that elevation helped her a bit. Lucy held the cold compress over her eyes while Gail stroked her hair and Theo helped her release her lock jaw and take her meds.

 

"I keep seeing it." Lucy said. Gail rubbed her temples as Theo sat on the floor. He took out the journal the hospital had given them and a few tools he had from his last med school rotation. He took their pulse and blood pressure readings.

 

"Where are we on a scale of one to ten?" He asked.

 

"Seven." Lucy said.

 

"Six and a half." Gail cleared her throat.

 

"How much sleep would you say you got?"

 

"Three or four hours?" Lucy asked Gail. She nodded.

 

"Breaks in between. Lot of dozing." She noted, pinching the bridge of her nose. Theo took a look at their eyes and their reflexes before settling, holding Lucy's hand and offering what comfort he could. When the meds kicked in it started to snow thick and proper outside.

 

"Tell me something nice." Gail mumbled.

 

"No school today." Devante deadpanned. Lucy snorted, tucking her face into Gail's neck.

 

"I should call my supervisor today. I'm going to need a few weeks." She said, slightly muffled.

 

"God. I have an exam tomorrow." Gail bit her lip.

 

"Who with?" Devante asked.

 

"O'Ryan. It's the midterm."

 

"He'll definitely let you take it online." Lucy's phone chimed. She picked it up and squinted in the blue light.

 

"My mom is coming over." Something heavy settled over the room.

 

"What's that about vampires? If you don't invite them in, they can't come in?" Theo joked.

 

"Want me to sharpen some wooden stakes just incase?" Devante cracked his knuckles.

 

"Are you supposed to use salt lines or holy water?" Theo mused, putting his chin in his hand. They all choked on their laughter.

 

"She's not a monster. The temperature just drops 30 degrees when she walks in the room." Lucy sighed.

 

"Leaving nothing but the smell sulfur..." Gail said ominously. "What should we do?" Lucy thought for a minute, idly playing with the collar of Gail's shirt.

 

"Help me into the living room. Stay with me, even if she asks you to leave." 

 

"Of course." Devante agreed, gently getting out of bed and going for the wheelchair.

 

"Want me to throw some dirty underwear on the coffee table?" Theo offered. Gail pulled a face. 

 

"Rank, dude."

 

Lucy pretended to think it over.

 

~

 

Noah yawned, eyes barely open as he got into bed with them. He sprawled across both of their midsections on top of the covers, Eddie the elephant under one arm and Pirate the bear under the other. 

 

"What time is it?" Olivia mumbled, sinking further under the covers. 

 

"Too early for time." Rafael replied cryptically, refusing to open his eyes.

 

"I can't read." Noah lied. He sounded exhausted and would probably sleep another hour or two, much to their mutual relief. Olivia sighed, cracking one eye open to look at the clock. It was a few minutes past six. The room had gone from black to gray. Dawn was creeping over the city. 

 

"Bad dream?" She asked her son.

 

"Cold." He yawned. She reached for him, but he was puling a blanket up from the bottom of the bed and pulling it over himself as he got comfortable on Rafael's chest. He finally opened his eyes, giving them both a highly amused look as Noah curled up, made himself a hood out of the fluffiest blanket they had, and planting himself under Rafael's chin.

 

"Just like your mother." He sighed. Noah giggled. 

 

"Rude." Olivia said, reaching over to pull Noah's thumb out of his mouth. Rafael rubbed the little boy's back until his little body went slack. Her cell phone started to ring and she cursed.

 

"Find a better word, Mommy." Noah chastised, half asleep. She couldn't be bothered to removed herself from the cocoon. 

 

"Benson." She answered. The conversation was brief and Noah fell completely asleep. "Thanks, Anthony. I really appreciate it." She hung up and promptly dropped the phone on the floor. Rafael snorted. "Three of four pled to assault in the first degree. Fifteen years for one, twenty years for the other two. Fourth is still negotiating."

 

"The driver?" He asked. She nodded. "Felony conviction." He mused. "Hardly seems like enough, does it?"

 

"I know." She sighed, stroking two fingers back and forth across Noah's cheek. "But that's just Gail and Lucy. Now they'll talk about the other victims." He suddenly remembered. Two other living assault victims. One dead. "They won't see the light of day again, Rafa. Devante is going to set up a web campaign to fund medical bills and time off work for the girls."

 

"Good." He sighed. "Good." She could tell by the tone of his voice that he still felt stressed and worried. She put an arm around both of them, kissing his cheek.

 

"It'll come to you."

 

~

 

"You don't feel crowded?" Andrea asked for the third time.

 

"No, Mama." Lucy said. Her patience was wearing thin and you could hear it in her voice. She sat in the corner of the couch, Gail next to her. Devante leaned against the door. Theo sat on the end of the couch closest to Andrea Huston's chair, putting some physical and metaphorical space between her and the girls.

 

"Your father thinks it would be best if you came home for awhile."

 

"Is he still living with you?"

 

"Yes."

 

"Then no."

 

"He's not drinking. There's nothing in the house. Hasn't been for three months." Andrea deflected.

 

"Not in your fridge, at least." Lucy fired back, rubbing the back of her neck.

 

"Did you sleep last night? You look terrible." Andrea tried to change the subject.

 

"Dad's not a doctor." Lucy continued. "We're on bed rest for the week and this is where were doing it. Theo's a med student. A home nurse is visiting us tonight. We have physical therapy and counseling appointments next Monday and then we're getting back to school as soon as possible." Andrea's eyes widened, impressed.

 

"Well…that's good to hear." She fidgeted with her purse, which was still sitting on her knees. She never took her coat off either. She looked ready to flee. "I'm sorry. I just- don't understand. I don't know where to begin or what I should say. I haven't slept either. Prayed all day and all night." She swallowed, starting to cry. "I know I've been hard on you, my mother was hard on me. But- this is all wrong. I'm so sorry." Lucy and Gail exchanged a glance.  "I want to know where I went wrong…you-you're not supposed to be like this." Lucy's composure slipped. Her face crumpled. "None of this was supposed to happen. I know it, in my heart. You can't possibly be-" 

 

"It's time for you to go." Devante said firmly.

 

"Lucy-"

 

"Just…go.  Don't come back." Andrea's face hardened. Lucy struggled to stand. Gail helped her, her own face pale and frozen with shock. "The only thing I've done wrong is hope you would love me as much as you love yourself. I'm in a lot of pain right now and I don't have the energy to spare." She stopped in the middle of another thought and left the room. Gail followed her. Theo stood and gestured to the door.

 

"Pathetic." Devante said before shutting and locking it behind her, voice purposely raised.

 

~

 

Olivia was thinking about making lunch for Noah when Rafael handed her his phone. A single text from Gail had come through. Her brow furrowed as she read. 

 

_\--We've seen Lucy's mother and three detectives this morning. None of them had good news._

 

Olivia picked up her own phone to make a call and found a text from Amanda that answered their question.

 

_\--Assailant 4 wants a trial for all charges._

 

"Hey Noah, go get our card. And a coat." Olivia said.

 

~

 

Noah was painfully careful from the minute Theo opened the door. So much so that he tip-toed across the threshold despite the fact that music was playing from the kitchen. Gail was there with Devante, drinking orange juice from the carton. She sputtered when she saw them. 

 

"Hey little man!"

 

"Hi GG!" He whispered, he held his arms up towards her waist. "Can I hug you here?" Devante chuckled and took the carton from Gail.  

 

"Please do." 

 

"Rafa told me your ribs hurt."

 

"They're doing alright, my love." As if to prove it, she reached out to hug Olivia too. 

 

"I thought I heard voices."  Lucy said softly, coming from the back of the apartment.

 

"LU!" Noah yelped before softening. "Hi Lucy!" He seemed totally unphased by their injuries and thrilled beyond belief to see them.

 

"Hello, sweet boy."

 

"I made you a card." The look on Lucy's face when the banner unfurled was priceless.

 

"Put it on the coffee table so we can look at it, buddy." Theo helped him spread it out. Olivia used the opportunity to take Lucy's face in her hands and kiss her forehead. Both girls were moving without wheelchairs. Gail had a cane and Lucy used the walls. Devante poured coffee for everyone. Noah commanded the room for awhile, sitting between Gail and Lucy on the sofa and walking them through every panel of his masterpiece.

 

"I'm going to hang it right over the sofa, so I can see it everyday." Lucy kissed his cheek and blew a raspberry on his neck. The boys sensed that Gail and Lucy needed to have a deeper conversation with their guests. 

 

"Hey No-No, wanna help us make some cookies?" Theo suggested, winking at the girls. Lucy mouthed a _thank you._  

 

"Sweet!" Noah jumped up and jogged into the kitchen. Devante and Theo followed. Olivia casually moved Noah's banner to the armchair so she could sit on the coffee table in front of Lucy. Rafael perched on the arm of the couch next to Gail, putting a firm hand on her shoulder.

 

"What happens now?" Lucy asked first. Olivia sighed.

  
"Arraignment. They'll set a trial date. Then it's jury selection. Trial prep with the DA's office."

 

"How long does that take?" Gail bounced her knee.

 

"Sometimes weeks." Rafael said. "Sometimes months." He squeezed Gail's shoulder again. She closed her eyes and rested against his side.

 

"What happening?" Lucy asked, fidgeting with the ends of her hair.

 

"There's no possible way they can offer an alternative theory of the crime. There's no reasonable doubt. No exculpatory evidence. Four living witnesses." He winced. "Someone wants an audience."

 

"Do you think it's just one crazy speaking for a million…or a million crazies speaking through a mouthpiece?"  Gail wondered out loud. Lucy reached for her hand. Rafael fidgeted for a moment before running a hand over Gail's hair.

 

"I wish I knew, Hermana. I really wish I knew." Lucy blinked back tears.

 

"My mom's going back to New Jersey." Olivia's eyes flashed. "I sent her back." Gail suddenly looked hollowed out and pained. Lucy just got angrier. "She said she spent two nights praying and came to the very righteous conclusion that she messed up. Messed _me_ up somehow."

 

"Lucy-"

 

"She's letting my Dad live with her again. Claims he's sober. But I know he's hiding it from her." She continued, frowning. "He almost killed her last time. And all she's worried about is how I make her look." Olivia moved next to her on the couch to hold her. Gail stroked her girlfriend's cheek. They sat together for a long, sad moment until realization dawned. 

 

"Wait. Is…is that why you asked me for my Facebook password?" Gail laughed lightly. Rafael and Oliva exchanged a confused glance. Lucy sniffed and took out her phone, opening up the social media app. She had added a status for both of them. _Lucy Huston is in a relationship with Abigail Carlson._ Olivia knew how the girls ran their social media. Carefully curated and posed. Nothing too obvious. But Lucy had pulled the trigger. There was a selection of decidedly romantic pictures accompanying the status update.

 

"I lost about 50 friends but this post it up to 100 likes and 75 hearts. Oh look, Devante and Theo shared it." Gail looked extremely emotional. Lucy was smiling despite the tears. 

 

"I thought Facebook was defunct." Rafael said, leaning over their shoulders to look. "But those are great photos."  

 

"It's still a romantic gesture, don't worry." Gail swallowed, patting his knee.

 

"I don't care what anyone fucking thinks." Lucy said. "I put this on all of my accounts. Made all my accounts public. Tomorrow I'm going to post pictures of my face and tell everyone what happened to us. I hope it goes viral. She thinks I should be ashamed-"

 

"I'm so proud of you." Olivia kissed her head. Her words touched something in Lucy, as if that was what she had been hoping to hear from someone for a long time now. "This anger will pass." Olivia rubbed Lucy's arms. "But nobody can take your words away from you. Raise your voice. We'll see what answers." Noah came skipping back into the room with a fist full of spoons.

 

"Theo says come eat cookie dough. We made a bunch just for eating."             

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're all so very, painfully kind to someone who just writes silly stories interjected with personal rants. Thank for you reading and commenting so devotedly.   
> xx


	6. You're the Only Reason

Gail got fidgety when she realized she hadn't been outside since returning from the hospital. There was a tiny balcony outside of the second bedroom in Lucy's apartment. Rafael helped her put a coat on. He insisted on the wheel chair so he could pile a few blanket on her. It had stopped snowing but the temperature had dropped again.

 

"Is it bad that I want a cigarette right now?" Their breath curled in the air in front of them. It was still early afternoon, but it was like the sun had never really risen. The sky was gray and overcast. Everybody on the street was walking with their heads down.

 

"If anyone deserves to be three beers deep and half a pack in, it's you." He sighed, sliding the glass door shut behind them so they wouldn't let the heat out. He shivered and dug his chin down into the scarf Liv had thrown at him when she noticed they were going outside. He leaned back on the railing. She tilted her head back and looked at the sky. "How are you doing, Gail?"

 

"Jumping out of my skin at every sound." She admitted.  

 

"If I had known Andrea was going to-"

 

"It's okay."

 

"It's not." He said, crossing his arms over his chest. She bit her lip and shrugged.

 

"We barely got any warning anyway. Lucy asked us all to stay, so we did." She finally met his eyes and gave him a weak smile. "Can you imagine that meet-the-family dinner? She and my mom would have gotten on like a house on fire." Gail laughed at her own joke. Rafael just frowned.

 

"What did she say to you?"

 

"To me? Nothing. But Jesus, she could have used the same script as my parents." She passed a tired hand over her own face. " _This isn't right, tell me what happened to you, where did I go wrong?_ So on and so forth." She huffed. "Anyway. Enough tragic backstory…"

 

"You never talk about them. Not that anyone expects you to, of course." Rafael continued. "Was it ever what it was supposed to be?"

 

"Oh yah." She smiled again. "I had a good childhood. My mom is from Ville Platte, Louisiana. My Dad was a military brat. They both had a handful of siblings. I was an only child though, so I was spoiled rotten. None of them really went to school. We were…poor, as long as I can remember. They all worked hard. Drank a bit too much. But we were happy. We took care of each other. They had big hopes and dreams for me." She smiled wryly. "Go to college and make something of myself, you know? Put the family name up there with the greats or in print or something."

 

"You're doing that." He pointed out. She shrugged.

 

"Love is a conditional thing. Some people just have more rules than others." She mused. "I used to run around barefoot. My knees were always skinned up and my pants were always dirty. I stuck my tongue out at boys and hit them when they tried to hold my hand. Mama told me to stay her little tomboy forever." She snorted at the irony. "I told them I was gay the summer before my senior year of high school. I had a girlfriend. They tried everything. Prayer groups. Conversion counseling. Making me work for my keep. When I told them I got accepted to a college in New York they told me I'd only be welcome back if I acted 'normal'. I tried that too, but it almost killed me." Rafael's eyes widened.  "I missed them so much at first. But I know I'm in a better place now, even though I struggle sometimes. It took me literal years to get to this point, though. I promise I didn't creep on your Mom or anything, I was just starving for that kind of connection again I guess."

 

"If anything she's the creepy one." Rafael soothed her. She choked on a laugh, blinking back tears. "Watching Lucy doing this now is…heartbreaking. And it's bringing some of those old feelings back up again. I couldn't believe it happened to me. I can't believe it's happening to her."      

 

"Did she ever have a relationship with her father?" Rafael asked. 

 

"I don't think so. God, he's bastard." She said bitterly, wiping her eyes. "Always drunk. Always in debt to the wrong people. Always beating up on Andrea." She shook her head. "Her parents split up when she was thirteen. He started beating the shit out of Lucy when he got home from the bars. Andrea was just happy she was catching a break, I guess. Or scared shitless. She never said a word about it to anyone. It took one of Lu's junior high teachers calling CPS to sort all that out."

 

"Christ." Rafael said. 

 

"He has the audacity to want to be back in Lucy's life. I know I want to be a fucking psychologist. I believe in rehabilitation. But I always thought…even if my folks had some sort of revelation and apologized. If they wanted me back, or something. It would make me sick. I can't imagine what Lu's feeling right now. And it's killing me that I can't help."

 

"She'll tell you." He reminded her. "After she's been able to start grieving and processing all of this. She'll come to you. That girl's in love with you, in case you haven't noticed." Gail's mask of frustration broke.

 

"You think?" She asked.

 

"Oh, I know." He said. "She made it Facebook official and everything." Gail chuckled, adjusting one of the of the blankets on her lap. "You've been through more in three months then some people go through in a lifetime together. All she wants to do is tell everyone how much she cares about you, even though the world did its best to break you apart." Gail absorbed his words, smiling again.

 

"Maybe one day I'll catch on. So what's new with you, Hermano?" Rafael laughed. He reached over to warm her cheek with his gloved hand. She leaned it to it. 

 

"You'll like this." He pinched her cheek and moved to sit on the empty plant stand next to her. "I've recently been informed that Noah has actually been talking to his friends at school about his _Dad_." She beamed.

 

"You?"

 

"Yep."

 

"But he doesn't call you that to your face, does he?"

 

"Nope. Just Rafa and Viejo."

 

"That's so sweet." She sighed. "He's such a good kid. He almost makes me want a chubby little baby to carry around on my hip." He sensed some pain in her voice.

 

"You'd be a fantastic Mom." She made a face. "The best kind. Noah's halfway in love with you." He said idly. There was some light in her eyes again. "I'm like you, though. I never thought I'd get to be a Dad. Not in a million years."

 

"You're doing great for someone who learned to drink out of a firehose." He grinned. "You knew Noah when he was a baby, right?"

 

"Oh yah. In passing, though. I wasn't around all that much before he started talking. Sometimes I feel like I missed out. But everything has it's time, I suppose."

 

"Does Liv want more kids?" He shot her a look. Her eyes widened. "She does? You lucky bastard."

 

"I mean, we've mentioned it. Not seriously. Heat of the moment type stuff."

 

"UGH. Least sexy pillow talk ever." She made another face. He snorted.

 

"Depends on how you plan on getting kids I suppose…"

 

"RAFA." She was laughing, though. "Can you imagine a fat little Rafael Junior running around Manhattan?" It was his turn to pull a horrified face.

 

"We're both a bit too old for that. Not to mention bringing children into the world right now just feels…wrong. We'd probably foster or adopt, like Noah." He shook his head. "This is all hypothetical, mind you."

 

"Sure." Gail smiled. "I'll just ignore how much you're smiling right now." He rolled his eyes.

 

"Okay _Lucia_."

 

"Give me a godchild you ingrate." He threw his head back and laughed. They stayed outside until she mentioned something about her ass cheeks freezing to her chair. He pushed her back in again, kissing the top of her head before pulling the door shut again.

 

~

 

Lucy seemed talked out. When Gail and Rafael snuck outside for some air she settled on the couch under Olivia' arm and gladly listened to Noah chatter on with Theo and Devante as they decorated cookies in the kitchen with leftover Christmas sprinkles and decals. Olivia squeezed her close.

 

"I feel like I don't tell you enough…how important you are." Olivia mused. 

 

"God. I'll never be able to repay you, Liv."

 

"You sure? I definitely don't give you enough money." Lucy smiled and shook her head.

 

"You always step in when I need something. You always make sure I'm taken care of. You always listen." She sighed. "Even in the beginning, I never felt like I was just a nanny. You made me a part of your family. And I needed that. Still do."

 

"We're not going anywhere." She promised. They lapsed into a comfortable silence. By the sounds of it, the boys were almost done with the insane amount of cookies they just made. "Did I give you a Christmas bonus this year?" Olivia asked suddenly.

 

"Mmhm." Lucy closed her eyes. "And a bottle of wine. And invited me to your wedding." Olivia giggled.

 

"That hardly counts as a- oh I get it."

 

"Open bar got us just drunk enough to get over our nerves." Lucy remembered fondly. "She's changing my life, Liv." She said a bit more seriously.

 

"You're changing hers, too."

 

~

 

They ordered in Chinese food for dinner and left a little while later. Lucy and Gail looked exhausted, but lighter. Theo exchanged numbers with Olivia just in case. Noah was quiet on the way home.

 

"That was good, Mama." He decided, as the uber stopped in front of their building.

 

"Yes it was." She agreed, putting him down on the pavement. He closed his eyes and stuck out his tongue, catching a few snowflakes. Rafael smiled.

 

"What chapter are we on, amigo?" He asked. Noah's eyes shot open and he gasped. 

 

"CHAPTER SEVEN THE BOGGART IN THE WARDROBE."

 

"Jesus-" Noah nearly yanked Olivia's arm off, dragging her up the stairs. One bath and two glasses of wine later Noah was launching himself into bed. Rafael joined him, shooting Olivia a glare when she laughed at the way his knees creaked. She quieted herself, commandeering Noah's bean bag and sitting on the floor. The boys had a system. They took turns reading a page out loud. Noah did voices. Rafael did dialogue in Spanish. They always had a grand time entertaining each other. Olivia could barely follow the story but Noah was getting confident and practicing two languages and going to bed with a huge smile on his face. By 8.45 the little boy was yawning and his eyes were drooping. Olivia switched on his nightlight and turned off the lamp. 

 

"Buenos noches, Mami…y goodnight _Gordo_." Rafael jokingly picked up a pillow as if to smother him. Noah dove under his covers, shrieking with laughter at his own joke. Olivia laughed and dug him out, kissing his head.

 

"Sleep tight sweet boy. I love you." Noah held him arms out to Rafael, pulling him down into a hug.

 

"Goodnight chiquito."   

 

"Night Rafi."

 

Olivia took his hand once the door was closed, leading him to the living room. She poured them both a scotch. He flicked through channels, watching a few minutes of news before pointedly avoiding it and finding something else. Turner Classic Movies was playing Cary Grant movies. Olivia settled in the space between him and the arm of the couch, thighs draped over his. He looked relaxed but the more she watched his profile, the more he seemed to be mulling something over. She gave his stomach a gentle nudge with her knee as she curled around him. 

 

"What are you thinking about, baby?"

 

"Did you know the inspiration for _Arsenic and Old Lace_ was America's most prolific female serial, killer?"

 

"Have you reading IMDB again?"

 

"Her name was Amy Archer-Gilligan. She used arsenic to kill her two husbands and 66 other people in the nursing home she worked for." He continued, rolling his drink around his glass.  She tapped the bottom of it, lifting it up until he took a drink.

 

"Try again." She teased.

 

"I was just thinking about the conversation I had with Gail." He admitted softly, tucking hair behind her ear and kissing her forehead.

 

"Of course." She softened. "You don't have to tell me."

 

"It's okay." He gave her a lopsided smile, searching her face briefly. "We talked about her childhood. I connected some bits and pieces. She told me about Lucy's father."

 

"He's as rotten as Andrea is." Olivia said, taking a drink. She slipped a hand around the back of his neck, stroking his hair idly. He nodded in agreement. 

 

"I think Gail has a hard time believing that some people can be permanent fixtures in her life. God knows she has every reason…" He shrugged.  "So we talked about that for awhile. Noah's Dad-thing made her laugh." Olivia smiled.

 

"That's how I'm going to introduce you from now on." She giggled. "Rafael Barba. Dad-thing." He shut up her up with a kiss. It worked for all of a minute. "Oh my god, think of the t-shirts."            

 

"Don't you dare." He groaned. She laughed more, dropping a kiss on the side of his neck before finishing her drink and setting her glass aside.

 

"Sorry. Keep going." He caressed her knee.

 

"Nothing new. I just…never expected this role. I fell in love with Noah like I fell in love with you. When we got started I knew I wanted to be in his life as much as I could. But, being a father just…never really occurred to me until you brought it up."

 

"Congrats. It's a boy." She teased. "It's half yours. We notarized it and everything." He couldn't help the full bodied laugh that bubbled up. "Legally bound and culpable, buddy." She poked his chest. He sank into the couch, feeling quite a bit calmer under her hands. "When he started preschool I had to answer some hard questions. He thought there was something wrong with him at first." She admitted. He shook his head, remembering more than one teary occasion on the couch in her old office at the 16th precinct. She had waded through hell's waters backwards but those months of uncertainty and self-doubt were pure torture. "I know he's still small but he means what he says. He loves you so goddamn much. The relationship you two are building makes me indescribably happy. You're the real deal, Rafa."

 

"We kind of blurted out a lot of things last time we talked about this…" He breathed deeply. 

 

"Yah." She laughed, mildly embarrassed. "Having sex and then not talking about it is probably not a pattern we should establish." She sighed. "Or is it?" She raised an eyebrow. He snorted and pinched her thigh.

 

"I would love to buy a house in the country and have ten kids with you and give them everything." He admitted, cheeks flushing a little bit. "I don't think it's even close to being the right time yet, but one day I'd like to have a serious conversation about it. Having another child, I mean. If Noah's on board and you're willing and everything is-" She beamed, leaning in to kiss him again.

 

"Sounds perfect. Trevor Langan still owes me a few favors."

 

"You sure know how to hold a grudge."

 

"One of my many talents." She slipped into his lap, wrapping both arms around his neck. "But, for the record, I fully agree with you. If and when it's right, we'll know. But it's something I'd very much like to do with you one day."   

 

~

 

A week escaped their grip in a blur. Olivia went to work. Noah went to school. Rafael taught his classes and gave out midterms. Theo called Olivia once, just letting them know that the doctors had taken mercy and prescribed something to help Gail and Lucy sleep through the night. Gail's doctor had adjusted all of her meds and she could be heard loudly reciting the lyrics to _My Sharona_ somewhere in the background.

 

The girls managed to reclaim school ever so slowly, doing a lot of work remotely. They started physical and mental therapy. Gail surprised Lucia at the school one day with Rafael, hobbling in on a cane to bring her lunch. True to Lucy's prediction, the social media post she wrote about the attack went viral. Several hundred thousand shares led to local news coverage parallel to the various profiles and coverage of the serial criminals that had victimized them. Another media circus ignited a feud between LGBTQ+ activists and some braver conservative talking heads in New York City. When it all died down they received word that the fourth assailant had finally agreed to a plea deal. Life with possibility of parole in 2093. Lucia hosted a proper Sunday dinner to celebrate the beginning of the end of it all at her apartment. Amanda, Sonny, Finn, and Finn's son and son-in-law came along as well. Their younger boys, Noah, and Jessie built a fort in the living room.  

 

"He'll be in his 90s if they ever let him go." Olivia said.

 

"Not if I have anything to do with it." Lucia shook her head. Rafael snorted.

 

"Mami. That's 75 years from now. You'll be 150 years old."

 

"Not if I have anything to do with it." She repeated. Gail laughed.

 

"Thanks Lucia. But if I'm still living in New York in 2093 then I deserve to get the shit kicked out of me again." Lucia paled a little at the dark joke but everyone else laughed.

 

"Gail wants to die in a swamp." Lucy teased, stealing a roll off her girlfriend's plate.

 

"I was born in a bayou, I'm gonna die in a bayou. That's how Cajuns get reincarnated." She shrugged.

 

"Behave." Lucy elbowed her in a non-healing rib.

 

"I keep tellin' Kev that I want my ashes spread in the harbor." Finn continued, identifying with Gail.

 

"Speaking of things that won't happen till 2093…" Everyone snorted. Finn gave his son a good-natured smack on the back of the head. "I keep tellin' you that I'm not getting arrested just because you finally decided to die." Kevin finished.

 

"We'll be lucky if that harbor is still there 75 years from now anyway." Kevin's husband sighed.  

 

"Are these dinners always this morbid?" Sonny asked, opening another beer.

 

"Last one I went to we argued about how to get away with murder." Amanda said, promptly taking the bottle from him.

 

"The show or the real thing?"

 

"Both."               

          


	7. Keep On Coming Home

Gail was idly clicking through apartment vacancies on her laptop, sending listings she liked to the group chat she had with Lucy and her housemates. The aforementioned girlfriend was bumping around the kitchen, singing softly under her breath to the tune playing on the radio. It was starting to rain hard and loud outside, making the whole night rather cozy.

 

Gail found herself gazing out the window. Water started to blur out the view of Brooklyn, melting all the street lights into the black shadows. She inhaled deeply. The screen on her laptop fell asleep, fading to black. She could see her own reflection in the screen. The bruises had faded. You couldn't see them at all under her makeup. The swelling had gone down. The split lip had joined. The pink line was on its way to vanishing. 

 

"GG."

 

"Hmmm?"

 

"C'mere." Gail set aside the computer, answering the call. She purposely left the cane on the floor and tested out a limpless walk. It took a concerted effort, but it worked. Lucy noticed and beamed. "Is this done?" She held up a fork with a few pieces of penne pasta speared on to it. She was working on three or four different pots on the stove tops.

 

"I still don't know what you're making but-" Gail tasted it. "Needs five more minutes." Lucy kissed the corner of her mouth.

 

"Grilled chicken and pasta with homemade alfredo sauce." Gail lifted a pot lid and found some steamed vegetables already seasoned and warming.

 

"Delish."

 

"I liked this one, by the way." Lucy pointed to her iPad, which was propped on the cutting board. She had the group chat open and had been scrolling through the apartment photos Gail had been sending out.

 

"Theo does too." Gail smiled, wrapping her arms around Lucy's hips and resting her chin on her shoulder.

 

"Starting to feel real." Lucy hummed. Gail kissed her neck.

 

"I've been here for like a month now."

 

"It's different." Lucy said. She was right. A new place. A clean slate in Morningside Heights. A few steps closer to their friends and family and respective schools in Manhattan. Three bedrooms. Room enough for the two of them and Theo and Devante. Gail sighed, kissing her neck again.

 

"You're the love of my life, Lu."

 

"Sweet girl." She breathed, carefully turning around. "I love you too." They moved back and forth to the music. Gail pushed up on her toes and attempted to kiss her properly, but a timer went off and Lucy yelped.

 

"Shit, the garlic bread!" They snickered and went about plating their dinner. They ate off of the coffee table while watching some crappy reality TV. Lucy draped her legs over Gail's lap and chatted happily about the sauce recipe she had been fine tuning.

 

"Are you worried this is too soon?" Gail asked abruptly. Lucy raised an eyebrow. "The new apartment, I mean. We're just…" She frowned, losing her words. "Sorry."

 

"Just getting back to moving around, you mean? Unaided?" Lucy cracked a smile. "C'mon. Even before all of this I was spending my nights with you more often then not. I'm not worried, baby. I'm excited, honestly. Are you worried?" Gail reflected a moment and then smiled too, tapping her fork against her plate. 

 

"No."

 

"It feels like coming home." Lucy mused. Gail felt her heart pound. 

 

"I've never had someone to come home too, before. Not like this. So if I seem overwhelmed, it's because I am." Gail admitted, mildly bashful. Lucy smiled again, swirling wine around in her glass.

 

"I never wanted anything like this. So if I seem giddy, I am." Lucy said. They laughed, leaning in to each other. She kissed Gail's forehead.

 

"Devante wants to go look at apartments tomorrow."

 

"Let's do it." Gail's cell rang and fractured the moment.

 

"Typical." She sighed, picking up the phone. "Hola Hermano." Rafael snickered at her tone. 

 

"Perdona, te estoy molestando?" _What, am I bothering you?_  

 

"Siempre, mi pollito." _Always, my little chicken_. He must have been on speaker because Noah started cackling in the background. She did the same with her own phone so Lucy could listen in.

 

"Are you still okay to watch Noah tonight? You're not too tired?"

 

"Of course. We've got a six pack of Mountain Dew and a brick of Sour Punch Straws ready and waiting." Rafael groaned.

 

"Tell me that's a joke."

 

"We're gonna bake a cake and watch some movies and put him to bed. And then Lu and I are gonna suck down a bottle of red wine through a straw and follow suit." Lucy giggled.

 

"We're getting ready, now. Do you need anything?" He asked. 

 

"More wine. And another straw." She joked.

 

"Aye Hermanita." He chastised with absolutely no bite.

 

"We're okay." She said seriously. 

 

"Bring one of Liv's pillowcases." Lucy suggested. "He had a hard time sleeping on ours last time." 

 

"And don't forget his toothbrush." Gail remembered. She could hear Rafael rummaging through something. He swore.  

 

"Jesus. Why do I always forget that?"

 

"See you in a few."

 

"Te quiero."

 

"Yo supongo que tambien te amo." _I suppose I love you too._  Rafael laughed. 

 

~

 

"C'mon let's goooo." Noah was winding one of Rafael's scarfs around his own neck, leaning against the door. Olivia slipped out from where she was pinned between Rafael and the fridge. 

 

"We're going, we're going." She mumbled. "Behave." She thumped her husband's chest. He slipped a hand into the back pocket of her jeans as they left the building, slipping out into the brisk evening. The rain had let up to a light drizzle. Olivia and Noah unfurled umbrellas to shelter them on their jog to the subway. Noah sat on his mother's lap on the train ride.

 

"What movie you seein'?" He asked.

 

"Something spooky." Rafael stage whispered. Noah frowned. Olivia snorted, bouncing him on her knee.

 

"Rafa doesn't want you to hear him scream, so he made me call a sitter." She teased. "Don't worry. I'll make sure he doesn't have any nightmares." Noah grinned.

 

"What are we doing tomorrow?" He asked. 

 

"G and Lu will bring you to Abuelita's house. We'll meet you there." Olivia tickled his side. "We're all gonna go see Jessie's first dance recital, remember?"

 

"Oh yah!" He beamed. "I said I was gonna bring her flowers. We gotta remember to bring her flowers."

 

"How romantic." Rafael pinched his cheek. The little boy made a face.

 

"Ew, no. That's just what you do, Viejo."

 

"Oh okay. Be careful, though. I sent your mother flowers too many times and look what happened." He pointed accusingly at his own wedding ring. Noah rolled his eyes and looked pleadingly at his mother. She shrugged.

 

"He's right. Everybody love flowers." Noah groaned. "But Rafa never sent me yellow roses. Those are the flowers just for friends."

 

"We'll get yellow roses." Noah decided.

 

~

 

They got cheeseburgers and french fries to-go and went straight home after dropping Noah off.

 

"I like the way you think." She decided, flicking through the on-demand menu for something to watch.

 

"I like you." He shrugged, content to lie in her lap and steal some of her fries. "And we can't fool around in the back of a movie theatre." She snorted, settling on a B-grade horror movie with a cliched name.

 

"Sounds fun. Let's do that next week." As the beginning credits rolled he inched her shirt up and kissed her stomach, just to the left of the ticklish spot below her belly button. She squirmed and then laughed when his fingers shot up her sides. She tried to wrestle him away, nearly pitching them both off the couch. "Weirdo." She got up to grab some napkins, but stretched out on top of him when she returned. His kisses were slightly salty. He pinned her to the back of the couch as the characters on screen started screaming. She sighed as he pushed up on an elbow, mouthing at her neck and sneaking a hand up the inside of her thigh as she hitched it up on his hip. "Someone's eager." 

 

"Your fault." He bit her ear at the same time he traced the crotch seam of her jeans with his thumb. Suddenly she wasn't laughing anymore.

 

"Oh really?" She gasped, one upping him by undoing his fly with one hand. She stroked him through his underwear and he faltered, physically and verbally stuttering. She grinned until he wiped it off her face, kissing her hard. She groaned and sucked on his bottom lip, snapping the elastic of his underwear against his hip before pushing past it and wrapping her hand around him. He frantically unfastened her pants and pushed two fingers against her. Something about being _too old for this_ tripped on the tip of her tongue. As if reading her mind, he paused.

 

"Want me to-" She stroked him harder. 

 

"Don't stop." She said. He laughed. "Don't you dare."

 

"Okay." He nuzzled under her chin and sucked on her pulse point so hard her eyes rolled back.

 

"Make me come."

 

"I'll make you come." He promised.

 

"Then take me to bed."

 

"Sure thing." He said hoarsely. "Anything. God." He hissed, plucking her hand out of his pants. He slipped off the couch and ripped her jeans down to her knees. 

 

~

 

They built a fort in Lucy's second bedroom and watched movies on the iPad, eating cake and giggling inanely. Noah's hair was still wet from his bath. He was making a damp spot on Gail's cheek. He was spooned up tight to her back with his head lying against hers. Lucy snickered and took a covert video of Gail, alternating between feedings bites of cake to herself and the boy while they watched the movie with rapt attention.

 

"Hey Lu…" Noah said, barely looking away from the screen. "Mom says you're getting a new house soon."

 

"Sure am. I'm coming to Manhattan. Close to you, probably."

 

"Dad says Abuelita's gonna be mad. The whole family's gonna be in Manhattan now, but she's still gonna be in Bronx." Lucy and Gail exchanged a look, both beaming. Noah giggled.

 

"Abuelita would have us all live in Bronx." Gail nudged him with her elbow. "Preferably in her apartment. You've seen your Dad's old room. You wanna share it with 20 roommates?" Noah pulled a face. Lucy laughed.

 

"Maybe when we're rich and I buy that cottage out in the middle of nowhere-"

 

"With the horses and the dogs?" Noah asked.

 

"That's the one." Lucy pinched his arm playfully. "We'll build 27 extra rooms. Just in case."

 

"That's a mansion!" Noah snickered. "We'd get lost!"

 

"You're good at drawing maps."

 

"We'd have to buy sooooo many groceries!" The little boy mused. 

 

"That's why it's a vacation home." Gail reminded him. "We're a bunch of New Yorkers, we can't go thirty minutes without a Starbucks break."

 

"Dad says Mom would drop dead without iced coffee."

 

"Me too." Gail snickered "My blood is 78% iced lattes. Your Mama's gotta be double that by now." Noah laughed so hard he rolled off of Gail and into Lucy's lap.

 

~

 

Rafael stayed between her thighs till she cried.

 

"Rafa…" He strung wet kisses from one hip to the other, moving ever so slowly. He rolled her pants and underwear all the way down, gently pulling them off her ankles. She took deep, shuddering breaths as she wiped at her eyes and cheeks. She sat up in a hurry but he didn't move. He stayed there, kneeling between her knees. She sniffed. He delicately framed her face, pushing her hair back and swiping new tears away with his thumbs.  A thousand platitudes raced through his mind. He bit down on his tongue.

 

He let his hands fall to her sides. He clasped her tenderly before giving her an encouraging push. She stood, shakily. She held on to his forearms as he stood too. She unbuttoned his shirt, very quickly pressing herself to his chest and kissing him sweetly. Without a word he picked up her clothes. They walked towards their bedroom with their arms around each other. She got him out of his clothes. Sat him down on the bed. She straddled his lap, smiling as she leaned her forehead against his. He rubbed his hands up and down her back.

 

They had been here a thousand times before. In a dozen different stories. Like it was all they ever were or would ever be. Like the stars' alignment and their ancestors' plans had only ever been pointing in one fucking direction. The writer of the story only had one tale to tell...but if they kept ending up here, neither could say they minded all that much. 

 

He moved inside her, turning them over. She sighed in relief. He kissed her closed eyelids. Her nose. Her chin. And her throat. His scruff tickled and she laughed, joy bubbling out of every inch of her. He laughed back.

 

They laid in each other's arms afterwards, briefly entertaining the idea of taking a shower. She stroked his hair and hid her face in the crook of his neck. He ran his fingertips up and down her arm, wrist to elbow. Back and forth. He nosed her hairline and kissed her forehead.

 

"I love you. So much."

 

"My love." She blindly stroked his face, pressing small kisses to his shoulder. "You're my everything, you know."

 

"Olivia." He almost sang it. She giggled, tugging playfully on his earlobe as she looked up. The words he had been searching for passed between them somehow.

 

"I see you." She said.

 

"Thank you."

 

~

 

Jessie Rollins and 10 other little girls in pale blue tutus ran back and forth across the stage, twisting and turning and leaping to the music.

 

_Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof. Because I'm happy. Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth. Because I'm happy. Clap along if you know what happiness is to you._

 

Their group took up the whole front row. Finn and Sonny had already gotten in trouble for holding their phones up to record, blocking the view of other parents. Lucia and Noah were practically dancing in their seats. Amanda was crying and making no attempt to hide it. Gail and Lucy were getting the most discreet recording with one of Gail's good digital cameras. Rafael and Olivia were doing their best to not laugh loud enough to be a distraction. The little girls were adorable and Jessie was having the time of her life, even if she had accidentally been backhanded in the face.

 

After everyone took their final bow the girls almost tripped over themselves getting down the stairs and to their families. Jessie tackled Noah to the floor when she saw the bouquet of yellow roses he had brought her.

 

"You did such a good job Jess!" He laughed.

 

"I didn't even break a leg!" She said proudly, making them all dissolve into laughter. Gail scooped the little girl up and kissed her cheek before passing her off to Uncle Sonny. The dance teacher greeted each and every family but looked absolutely overwhelmed at the squadron of people leaving with Jessie.

 

"Bye Miss Naomi!"  

 

"Bye Miss Jessie." She laughed. "Bye Rollins family?" 

 

"So many people were out of town…" Amanda joked.

 

They got brunch afterwards, commandeering about three tables to do so. Gail was walking with a limp and Lucy had her cane, but the girls were in exceptionally high spirits despite having kept Noah overnight. Jessie went around the table, giving everyone a big hug and showing them the little flowers and sparkles embroidered on her costume. Olivia put the little girl on her knee and asked her a few questions about how she liked her dance school. She swung her feet and answered them all, shrieking with laughter when Rafael tickled her side.

 

Brunch was followed by a walk down to the park. They cut an amusing figure, moving through the streets like a pack of tourists. Lucia sighed and looped her arm through her son's. They watched Sonny, Olivia, and Amanda engage in a game of freeze tag with the kids. Finn, Gail, and Lucy sat on a bench and compared photos and videos from the day.

 

"It's all pretty perfect, mijo." Lucia said, squeezing him. He smiled and agreed.

 

"I'm going to tell you something. You can't freak out. You can't say a word to anyone." She raised an eyebrow, giving him a hard look. "If you scream, I swear, I'm going to pretend like you're having a stroke." 

 

"Are you about to ruin this morning?"

 

"I'm about to make your life, Mami."

 

"Is she pregnant?" She hissed under her breath. "Accidents happen but-"

 

"Mami." He snorted. "No."

 

"Tell me, for God's sake. You're giving me heart palpitations."

 

"We're looking into getting me certified as a foster parent." Lucia melted. Beamed. She threw her arms around his neck and kissed both of his cheeks.

 

"I love you. I love your love. I love you family. This is beautiful, Rafael. Congratulations."

 

"Nothing's set it stone. Or guaranteed." He prefaced.

 

"You know how much I used to worry about you. Working that terrible job. Going home alone. Now look at you, Rafi. _Congratulations._ " Rafael met Gail's eyes. She had heard Lucia's outburst, quiet as it was. She smiled and winked. He smiled back. "Also, I get the sense that we're about to have another Barba wedding." Lucia continued.

 

"Gail and Lu?" He chuckled. "You're going to get them to take our name? That'll be a first." She elbowed him sharply. "Leave them alone, Mami. Let them be young and in love in privacy."

 

"I knew when you bought that ring for Liv, didn't I?" She teased. He sputtered.

 

"She bought a ring? And she didn't tell me?"

 

"Privacy, remember." She threw back at him. "No ring. Not yet." He sighed. "But I saw her looking at James Avery catalogs on her lunch break the other day. When they get their new address I'll put them on the Kay's mailing list. Grease the wheels from afar."

 

"You're the worst." He grumbled. "Gail would never go to Kay's though."

 

"Why's that?" Gail slid up to Rafael's other side. The Barbas jumped. She giggled, mimicking Lucia's pose by looping her arm through Rafael's and leaning on his side.

 

"Don't make me explain your anti-corporate views to my mother."  

 

"That's anti-capitalism thank you very much." She put on a grave face. "Mom, I'm a socialist." 

 

"OH like Bernie Sanders." Lucia said, equally serious. "I've always like him. Am I a socialist?" Rafael snorted.    

 

"Probably. We're anti-All American family for sure." Gail threw her head back and laughed. Lucia looked confused.

 

"Mama Luce, you know. Financially stable heterosexual couple, 2.5 kids, picket fence..."

 

"That's creepy shit, is what it is. They're always white and have an endless supply of golden retrievers." She looked over the lot of them. Finn and Amanda were kicking a soccer ball back and forth with Noah. Sonny was pushing Jessie on a swing. Lucy and Olivia were occupying the swings on either side of her, much to Jessie's amusement. Noah ran over, launching himself into his mother's lap. Finn put an arm around Amanda's shoulders before bending down to kiss Olivia's cheek, obviously preparing to go. "No. I like this better. I worked hard for this." Lucia went over to say her goodbyes. She had a soft spot for Finn and his family.

 

"You two are getting sappy in your old age." Gail sighed. Rafael shrugged, bending down to kiss her cheek.

 

"You're looking so much better."

 

"I'm feeling so much better." She smiled up at him. "The pain's almost gone. I'm sleeping through most of the night. So is Lu. I'm going to keep seeing the therapist for awhile longer though. Bad dreams here and there, you know? Finn and Kevin helped me set it all up. And if we move soon that could also-"

 

"I'm so proud of you, Gail." He cut her off, thinking over how short of a time had passed since she was lying prone in a hospital bed. " _So_ fucking proud." She was at a loss for words for a moment.

 

"I'm so proud of _you_ , Rafael." She said finally. "We're not the same people we were when we first met." He uncurled their arms, squeezing her hand instead.

 

"No we aren't."

 

"I think something linked us all together. Purposely. Not sure what for, yet but-"

 

"For you. For me. For all of us." He reminded her.                                  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a hard time finding the right way to end this story. Thanks for the love and kind words. 
> 
> Until next time- xoxo


End file.
